Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Big Dip

Government statistics released today show that 9 states have suddenly dipped into a recession, as the business activity and job creation associated with the Presidential election season ground immediately to a halt.  Republican lawmakers quickly blamed President Obama for the downturn.

“He promised jobs, and just one day after the election, it is obvious that he was saying anything to win,” Karl Rove seethed through clenched teeth.  “He can’t blame this on George Bush.  He owns this election and elections have consequences, especially when they end with such tragic consequences.”

Economic activity in Iowa, Nevada, Colorado, Virginia, Florida, Wisconsin, North Carolina, and New Hampshire dropped by a combined $400 billion in a single day, but it was Ohio that suffered the greatest impact, losing $750 billion in business from its peak one week ago.  One local television station actually announced its imminent closure due to the end of unprecedented campaign advertising revenue.

The job losses in these states were widespread, but the industries that were hit the hardest were advertising, direct mail, public polling, and pizza delivery.  The downtown streets were lined with shuttered campaign offices, a stark reminder of the unexpected financial devastation to the communities in these formerly critical states.

“These jobs are never coming back,” groaned Assistant Door Knocker Heidi Ho.  “Nobody wants knockers now.  I’ll have to wait for one of those job training programs I told my friends about on Facebook to actually happen.”

“I campaigned for the President, and I believed in him.  Now I am out of work.  So much for shared prosperity,” grumbled Deputy Communication Director for the GOTV arm of Obama for America, Josh Bartlet, outside his empty campaign office.  “The lease for the office was up this morning, and I have nowhere to go.  What am I supposed to do with all these lawn signs?” he asked pointing to the overflow in the backseat of his late model Prius.  “I feel duped.”

President Obama preached patience in the wake of the troubling economic news, vowing that his policies would fix these structural problems in all 9 swing states within 4 years.

“Trust me.  The campaign industry in these small communities will come roaring back.  You have my word.”

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