Saturday, January 21, 2012

Keith Stone Pipeline?

Obama Rejects Keith Stone Pipeline

President Obama, in a move certain to cause political headaches in the swing state of Pennsylvania, rejected the Keith Stone Pipeline project favored by blue collar drinkers across the Rust Belt.  The Obama administration had argued for months that it would be irresponsible for Keith Stone to lay some pipe without further studies into the potential impact on society.

Keith Stone, the popular redneck promotional character for Keystone beer, was disappointed by the announcement.

“I thought Obama and I had a certain synergy.  We both made our names with the same catch phrase, “Always smooth, even when you’re not.”  I had considered Barack my brother from another mother.  Instead he rejects my Keith Stone project like I’m Billy Carter or something.”

Republicans were quick to pounce on an issue that they believe will resonate in November.

Rick Santorum, former Senator from the Keystone State until his 18% drubbing at the polls in 2006, said, “Barack Obama claimed in 2008 that the fine residents of Pennsylvania cling to “their guns and their religion” in times of economic distress.  The truth is that a great majority of them actually cling to their Keystone beer, and that just shows how out of touch this President is from the lives of everyday Americans.  You can never restrict the supply of that cold filtered fuel that working Americans need.  Keith Stone cannot be disrespected at a time when we need his pull top refreshment.”

Reince Preibus, head of the Republican National Committee and once prefect to Marcus Aurelius in ancient Rome, views Keith Stone as a martyr for disaffected working class Americans.  “Mark my words.  Keith Stone will be the ‘Joe the Plumber’ of 2012.  Obama’s callous rejection of his pipeline project will highlight the struggles of average citizens to afford cases of brewskis after a long week at work in the mines.”

Keith Stone was circumspect in the face of this setback.  “What’s so wrong with laying a little pipe, that’s what I always say.  Maybe my synergy is with that Gingrich fellow.  That guy can lay some pipe.” 

He remains focused on the future.  “I’ll just sell my beers to China in that case.  I’m Keith Stone.”
Oh, did you mean the Key-stone pipeline project?  Well in that case, never mind.

1 comment:

  1. OMG that was perfect. I was just thinking of writing this on my political blog ...but I can't top this! Nicely done.