Black Friday Conspiracy

Senator John McCain took to the airwaves today demanding answers from the Obama administration regarding what he referred to as a “coordinated terrorist attack” on the nation’s retailers that took place on Thursday evening, November 22^nd. 

On the evening of November 22^nd, Thanksgiving night in America, a rash of violence erupted across the country, centered on big box retailers.  Initial reports from the administration blamed the violence on a reaction to videos advertising huge discounts and special sales at stores across the country.  Later, it admitted that the crush of holiday shoppers and subsequent violence was coordinated and premediated.  Sen. McCain believes that Obama is responsible for deliberately misleading the public, and has called for congressional hearings. 

The violence was widespread.

• In San Antonio, Texas, the San Antonio Express-News reported that one man waiting for a store to open began cutting in line and ultimately punched another man. The man he punched allegedly pulled a gun on him, and a witness said the assailant hid behind a refrigerator before fleeing the store.
• In Altamonte Springs, Fla., police said they warned Samantha Chavez several times to wait her turn while she continued to cut in line. When officers attempted to usher her out of the store, WKMG Local 6 reported that Chavez began screaming and throwing merchandise that she had originally intended to purchase.
• In Sacramento, California, Kmart store workers began distributing vouchers to the hundreds of people in line but some in the crowd grew unruly and began shouting obscenities.  A man in the crowd threatened to stab others, the Los Angeles Times reported. 
• In Santa Monica, Calif., the Los Angeles Times reported that eager shoppers surged into an Urban Outfitters store, breaking the 12-foot tall door and injuring at least five people.

Sen. McCain wants answers from the administration about the senseless Black Friday attacks that he says could have been prevented.  “What are they hiding?”

McCain said, “More than three days after the Black Friday attacks, there are still many unanswered questions…while we await the findings and recommendations of the administration’s internal review of the attacks, it’s essential for the Congress to conduct its own independent assessment.”

McCain’s outrage towards the administration was centered around U.N. Ambassador, Susan Rice, thought to be a possible replacement for outgoing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.  McCain said he will not let Rice’s nomination for Secretary of State move forward “until he gets answers”.  Rice had said on the Sunday talk show circuit that the holiday shopping violence was a result of videos depicting Santa buying presents for good little children, and did not mention a possible connection to the Occupy Best Buy movement and its loyalists.  For McCain, this is disqualifying.

“I’m curious why she has not repudiated those remarks,” McCain told Bob Schieffer. “On this show, the CEO of Best Buy and other major retailers said it was coordinated and planned for months.”

How could Rice make amends, and prevent the shrunken Republican minority from filibustering a possible nomination for Secretary of State, he was asked? “Maybe she could start out by publicly coming back on this show and saying, ‘I was wrong, I gave the wrong information on your show some several weeks ago.’ That might be a beginning.”

Other Republicans wanted assurances that shopping was safe and that nation’s retailers had taken precautions to stem the ritualistic violence that took place on Thanksgiving evening.

McCain’s fellow Republican and BFF, Sen. Lindsay Graham, focused his attention on the administration’s strategy to insure the safety of future shoppers. 

“The attacks took place on the anniversary of last year’s attacks on stores in this country, and it is outrageous and the height of irresponsibility that Obama and his henchmen did not see this coming.  Our intelligence services are already warning us about the threat of a Cyber Monday attack, and we want to know what precautions this President has put into place to protect the nation’s infrastructure.”

Polls show that Americans are closely divided, with 48% blaming President Obama for everything bad that happens, and 51% believing that the other 48% had lost all touch with reality.  1% is still in a turkey induced coma, and is not expected to recover.