Monday, February 25, 2013

Oscar Truthers

It’s been a busy time for conspiracy theorists these past few years.  There was the matter of Obama’s birth certificate that took several years to create.  The Fast and Furious conspiracy theorists continue to push the idea that the failed program was a ruse to distract Americans from the coming gun confiscation sweeps in a neighborhood near you.  We are told that Obama ordered the Sandy Hook massacre as part of his master plan to take over a defenseless Planet Earth.  And who could forget the Granddaddy of all conspiracies, Benghazi?    

It’s been so busy on the conspiracy front that I can forgive the Right for overlooking last night’s seed of a new conspiracy controversy.  To the lazy eye, it may have appeared to be nothing special.  But my conspiracy-seeking radar is dialed to the Right today, so let me help the overtaxed Right Wing theorists.  I think something was ‘amiss’ at the Oscars….a Miss Obama!

Last night, most Americans saw First Lady Michelle Obama present an award at a gathering of a wealthy group of Hollywood elites and by appearing, provide an indirect endorsement of their gay-friendly, morally casual conclave that celebrates a Golden Idol of secularism.  The Right has come to expect this behavior from this pagan administration.  Nothing to see here, move along.

But wait.  Look more closely, my paranoid friends.  Is there something suspicious about the First Lady’s presentation of Best Picture to Argo?  Why Argo over other qualified films?  Could there be a…conspiracy???   

Hollywood-Gate.  The Film Affair.  The Oscar Truther Movement begins.

My friends on the Right, I know you are busy researching the Friends of Hamas group that never existed but nonetheless gave money to Chuck Hagel.  So as a courtesy and time saver, here are your Oscar-Truther talking points.  If you don’t start asking your silly questions now, the movement may never take root.  You can thank me later. 
  • There were two envelopes, one held by Jack Nicholson and one handed to Michelle Obama at the final moment.  Why the two envelopes if there is only one winner?  What film name was printed on Nicholson’s card?  What are they hiding?
Look at the potential political ramifications if one of the other movies had won the award:
  • Honoring Lincoln would keep the 16th President’s name in the media, and that would only serve as an unflattering comparison to the current President.  Lincoln had to be killed, so Obama picked Argo. 
  • Picking Life of Pi would sound like Mrs. Obama was paying homage to the Eastern World and reinforce feelings that the Obamas are not like us.  If Life of Pi were to be honored, it would smack of shameless pandering to a growing minority in advance of immigration reform negotiations.  Pi’s Life could not be glorified with an award.  It needed to be cut adrift.
  • If Zero Dark Thirty had won the Oscar, it would sound like the administration was endorsing a “torture works” philosophy.  Any movie that makes Dick Cheney look right could not be a winner.
  • Selecting Django Unchained would keep the foul and politically incorrect language of that movie in the spotlight, and Obama could not allow that if he wanted to appease his base.  There was no chance he would allow Michelle to praise that film.  Django had to be set free.
There were only positives for the Obama administration by choosing Argo as Best Picture:
  • The movie reminds the public of the one good thing that happened during Democrat Jimmy Carter’s administration.  Since Obama has been compared by the Right to Carter, he saw this as an opportunity to repair Carter’s image and thereby his own.   Diabolical!
  • Argo highlights how smart and brave the Canadians are, making it harder to argue that they can’t handle a health care system that covers everyone for less money.  Obama is softening the ground to roll out a single payer plan in America.
  • Argo proves that clandestine activities work better than military intervention, a subtle reference to Obama’s policy of secret missions instead of direct confrontation.  Best Picture today, Best Foreign Policy tomorrow.
  • Finally, the choice of Argo means that the accomplished and sympathetic Ben Affleck is now the favorite to win the vacant Senate seat in Massachusetts…once he shaves off the terrorist beard.
So, all you Right Wing conspiracy theorist – get out your blogs and your tweets.  There is work to be done, but at least I am giving you a head start.

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