Biden His Time

It is no secret that Vice President Joe Biden has his eye on upgrading his West Wing office view come 2016, and this should be his moment.  Sadly, Biden’s out of bounds behavior in his quest for Obama’s endorsement may have placed him on the 2016 bench in favor of Hillary Clinton.

According to newly obtained classified communications from the administration, the game changing moment of the race for the 2016 Democratic nomination may have already happened on a White House basketball court. 

Buried within some leaked diplomatic cables was a treasure trove of intimate White House Instant Messenger exchanges between the President and Vice President.  It seems that in Biden’s zeal to impress Obama and discredit Clinton, he may have committed one too many fouls. 

CLASSIFIED

Biden:   Hey, Barry.  U there?

Obama:  I have told you a thousand times, Joe – stop calling me Barry.

Biden:  OK, Barry ;)-  Hey, BO.  Can I play in the big game this week?  It’s a big deal to me.  I’ve got sick ball handling skills.

Obama:  No. 

Biden:  You scared I’ll show you up?  I am a Veep Wrangler, baby, ready to drive through the lane, dribble the rock to the hole.

Obama:  I think I’ve seen enough of your dribbling at late afternoon Cabinet meetings, Joe.

Biden:  I’ve been working on my game.  No daily briefings until I hit 100 free throws.  Drilling the baby hook with consistency, too.  C’mon, let me play, my brother.

Obama:  You are not my brother, Joe.  Cut it out.

Biden:  It’s all good.  I think you won’t let me play ‘cause I’m white.  I talked to Holder.  He’s with me.  That’s reverse discrimination, man!  I got a case.  LOL.

Obama:  It’s not discrimination.  We just don’t need another Salami out there.  Geithner’s our Salami.  That’s our quota.

Biden:  You need my experience.  I’ll bring my ABA vintage ball.  It’s the schezel.

Obama:  Help me, Lord.  

Later that same day:

Biden:  Nice game, Who-Sane.  BTW, Cantor was right - that last basket was a travel.

Obama:  No, it wasn’t.  Please call me Mr. President.

Biden:  Not a travel?  You could have walked halfway to Kenya on that last move.

Obama:  That’s a cheap shot, Joe.  Speaking of cheap shots…

Biden:  Hey, I had open looks.  Maybe if you redistributed the ball once in a while.  You were feeding the biscuit to Reid all day long.  All he did was hold the ball and stall.  He was lost out there while McConnell ran circles around him.  At least I tried to make something happen.

Obama:  You are too easy to defend.  You always go left.  We can’t use you on the team if you can’t go right once in a while.

Biden:  That’s my signature.  I fake right, then BOOM goes the dynamite!

Obama:  When I talk about transparency, I don't mean for you to disappear on defense.  And you missed 10 straight shots.  Why don’t you shut up and just play sometimes?

Biden:  I couldn’t concentrate out there with McCain screaming “Benghazi!” every time I touched the ball.  You try it.

Obama:  I have. 

Biden:  Yo, I think Hillary likes me.  Hear how she squealed when I took that charge from Boehner?  I think his bronzer stained my jersey.  Think he’ll pay the cleaning bill if I bury it into the next Defense authorization?  Ha ha. 

Obama:  You need to apologize to Hillary, Joe.  She had clear position and you ran right over her.  I think she has a concussion.  For a guy that wrote the Violence Against Women Act, you sure don’t show much mercy in the lane.

Biden:  Her position was not set.  I couldn’t tell if she was shifting left, right or staying in the center.  She needed to get out of my way.  It’s a contact sport!

Obama:  You deliberately ran over her.

Biden:  She’s a flopper.  You’re not buying those tears, are you?  Remember New Hampshire? 

Obama:  She’s likable enough.  And Joe – she was on our team.  I hope she’s OK.

Biden:  She’ll come back.  She always does.

Obama:  Gotta run.  60 Minutes on the other line.

If Biden can’t improve his game in Obama’s eyes, there’s no chance he’ll be asked to lead the team in 2016.

Did You Know?

…The White House basketball court “shot clock” was renamed the “time of possession clock” in January by executive order?

…Bill Clinton holds the all-time record for most personal fouls committed during a Presidential term?

…Hawaii is considered by some political scientists to be one of the 50 states?

…The White House basketball team has never lost a home game to the Washington Generals?