In America,
it is customary, even for the non-religious, to celebrate the Lenten season by
depriving ourselves of pleasure, temporarily of course. After all, we are Americans. These 40 days of sacrifice barely put a dent
in the damage done the other 325 days that we spend indulging our every whim
without remorse, but it’s the thought that counts. At least for 40 days, we are reminded that
there is life without Facebook, life without chocolate, and life despite the
futility of grueling P90X session. We
know there’s life after P90X because the pain is something that only the living
could experience.
Food is usually the first thing on the annual I Give Up
list. Catholics commemorate the season
by skipping meat in meals on Fridays. I
wonder if Catholic vegetarians skip vegetables on Fridays and force themselves
to have hamburgers exclusively for the day.
That’s the kind of sacrifice that defines the spirit of Lent to me.
As expected, the famous enjoy publicly promoting their
specific Lenten sacrifices to the rest of us.
The goal of these pronouncements is two-fold: first, a goal publicly
declared becomes more likely to be achieved, and second, it makes the rest of
us feel badly about ourselves.
I reached out from my desktop and electronically asked
hundreds of individuals and organizations (per the Supreme Court, aren’t
organizations people?) to tell me what they plan to sacrifice for the next 6
weeks. Here is a list of the Lenten
sacrifices of the rich, famous, and powerful (otherwise known as “The Respondents”)
in our modern world. Maybe we can learn
through their examples:
What Will I Give
Up for Lent?
·
Pope Benedict XVI – Alarm clocks
·
Barack Obama – Pretending to like John Boehner
·
Rep. John Boehner – Pretending not to hate
Barack Obama
·
Steve Martin – Sleeping in
·
International Olympic Committee – Wrestling
·
Sen. John McCain – Reason and accountability
·
North
Korea – Irrelevance
·
Sarah Palin - Relevance
·
Fox News – Sarah Palin
·
Princess Kate Middleton – Wearing heels
·
Washington
Nationals – Innings limits
· Taylor Swift – My boyfriend (whoever it happens to
be at time of publication)
·
Redskins QB Robert Griffin III - Mobility
·
The New
Orleans Superdome – the position of Director of
Electrical Affairs
·
The NHL Owners – Locking out the players
·
The NHL Players – 7% of our money
·
NRA spokesperson Wayne LaPierre – Nothing…I will
give up nothing
·
Ted Nugent – My citizenship
·
Sen. Marco Rubio – Thirst
·
General David Petraeus – G-Mail
·
Tom Cruise – Half my money
·
Suri Cruise – Yeah, right
·
Honey Boo Boo – Taco Bell
·
Go Daddy.com – Good taste
·
Americans – Carnival Cruises
·
The Republican Party – I think we’ve given up
enough already
·
The Democratic Party – I think we’ve given up
enough already
Whatever you give up this year, don’t quit me, baby. That kind of sacrifice won’t make you better
as a person.
Good luck, quitters.
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