Nothing like breaking bread to raise campaign bread.
Mitt Romney is offering new contributors to his presidential
campaign a chance at winning a seat at the dinner table with him and Donald
Trump. Hopefully cocktails and
appetizers won’t be served in Trump’s reality TV Boardroom. That place can get ugly, and there is no
guarantee that it was fully sanitized since Gary Busey and Meatloaf sat in
there last season.
America’s
favorite game show host and birther aficionado will happily regale you over tossed
salad with stories about his superior qualifications to be President should
Romney stumble. After all, if business
success is a major qualification for the office, then The Donald could be
overqualified. Add to that his status as
a U.S.
citizen over the age of 35, and I think he believes he is ideally suited. Trump personifies the Bully Pulpit, so why
not make it official and give him the job of Bully in Chief? “Melania, please pass the Trump ketchup - NOW.”
Obama recently offered a chance for contributors to win an
invitation to meet him at George Clooney’s place for Hollywood
schmoozing. If you pony up for Obama’s
reelection, you may be one of the lucky contestants that involuntarily agrees
to be vetted by the Secret Service before moving into the final selection
round. Better hope they don’t find that
Netflix customer review you wrote about Clooney’s lackluster performance in One Fine Day after an especially painful
break up. Clooney dislikes negativity
and he can afford to keep such vibrations outside his personal compound.
Next up in the email trolling for dollars campaign to one
lucky Obama contributor is a dinner date with Bill Clinton. The email solicitation did not mention
whether or not a recent photo was required to enter this contest. I guess that is just assumed. There is a 50/50 chance that after a few cold
ones, Clinton will lower his rhetorical guard
and relive his jealous anti-Obama rage of South Carolina circa 2008. Seeing that red-faced rant first hand could be
worth a $10 lottery ticket.
Political fundraising has become an amalgam of reality TV,
state lotteries, and Publisher’s Clearinghouse mailers, and for some lucky
donors, it is a shot at 15 minutes of near-celebrity fame or a shot at being a
pawn in a game so cynical that you can’t possible fathom its depths. The distance between ‘celebrity’ and ‘pawn’
is getting narrower every day.
“You may have already won!”, but first you’ll have to send
in $10 to Obama for America
to claim your chance at the Big Prize.
When solicitations from the campaign arrive featuring a bigger picture
of Ed McMahon than the candidate, we should question where this orgy of direct e-mail
(aka spam) is leading us.
I’d like to see a request for cash that mentions that fact
that the candidate will also be in attendance.
In the Romney appeal, Trump gets top billing. In Obama’s appeal, George Clooney was clearly
the A-List attendee above the incumbent Leader of the Free World. Clooney could spice up the meal with firsthand
accounts of Pitt-Jolie squabbles; Obama would regale diners with stories of the
Euro Crisis and last G-6 Summit. Which stories
would you rather hear over some foie de gras?
I get plenty of email solicitations for campaign cash, and I
believe that the first time I ever saw this contribution raffle was from the
Obama campaign in 2008. “Win a trip to
meet me backstage at the convention”, or “Win a trip to travel on my campaign
bus for a day” or something like that. I
think there was even a “Watch the GOP convention with Bill Clinton” prize 4
years ago. The people love to gamble,
and the technique must have worked because politicians are all doing it now in
both national and statewide campaigns. I
thought I saw an email solicitation from Sen. Orrin Hatch’s SuperPAC with the
headline, “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!”
It’s silly season.
I look forward to one day receiving a solicitation from a
politician that reads something like this:
If you agree with me
more often than you agree with my opponent, I could use your financial
support. In this day and age, without
voluntary contributions from people like you, your government will continue to
be run by assholes. I offer no meals, I
offer no celebrity meetings, I offer no signed memorabilia. I only pledge to listen to both sides of
every issue, research the facts, and make the best, most informed decision I
can. Some of you will disagree and some
of you will agree. That’s my only
promise – someone will be disappointed.
I’d pay to have a chance to sit with that candidate. I am sure that I would not be disappointed.
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