Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Father's Day Card Rebuttal

My 7 year old daughter did what 7 year old daughters do on Father’s Day.  She presented me with a homemade card.  In life, there are few moments as special for a father as receiving that special card from his daughter.  We know that there will be stormy relationship seas in the future, but at age 7, those days seem far, far away.  When your daughter is 7, there is nothing but unconditional love.  After reading her card, however, I think the first squall of storm season may be brewing.

The card began with such promise.  There was a drawing of a hockey goal on the cover, and a cut out figure of a dad (presumably me) holding a hockey stick, wearing skates, and smiling ear to ear.  Daddy was doing something he loved.  The proportions were out of kilter and the word hockey was spelled without the ‘e’, but that only added to its innocent charm. 
Here is the handwritten text from the inside of the card:

You’re the best hocky player even know most hocky games you get know goals or you don’t win the hocky game.

Girl, we have got a problem and not just with spelling and grammar.  I’d better not find out that your mother was feeding you any of this disinformation. 
Sit down and let me educate you.  In my 8 team league, my team, the Sweaty Boxers, has a record of 5-5-1, ranking us fifth with 6 games left to play before the playoffs.  We win plenty. 
You think I can’t put the biscuit in the basket anymore?  After 10 games, I rank second in the league in goals with 19.  That’s all your fingers plus all your toes except for one pinky toe.  19.  That’s 4 goals ahead of some dude named Vitaliy Andryeyeshyn, and with a good Russian name like that, you know he’s good.  I’m better.  Learn it.  Live it.  Know it.

The card was signed “I Love You Daddy”, which is nice, but when you disrespect my sick hockey skills, it’s an empty kind of love.   I will pretend that you were trying to be funny this time, and I will try to forget this little incident.  I suggest you do the same, particularly if you ever want ice cream in the future.

Next year, I expect another homemade card and another hockey theme.  But next year, get your statistics straight or else it’s back in the penalty box.  Game misconduct and possible suspension for you, child. 

Daddy still has it going on, but he is getting a bit more sensitive and somewhat more insecure.

No comments:

Post a Comment