As a transplant to the DC area, I have observed the
curiously fragile Washington sports fan psyche from a safe social
distance. I root for most of the local
teams now, but they are not in my blood stream like the teams of my youth. Let’s just say I don’t own a burgundy and
gold tie. Lifelong DC fans are easily
tricked into thinking that a championship is around the corner after a
preseason win streak and equally deflated into clinical depression by the
slightest dropped pass or missed bunt sign.
In short, they are delusional
when estimating their proximity to the mountaintop but also the depths of chasm
from whence their teams must climb. The
past week’s news items are representative of the highs and the lows of the Washington
area sports fan:
Nat-itudinal
Adjustment
Baseball’s perennial basement dwellers started the season
14-4 and their potentially great pitching rotation no longer demands the word
“potential” as a qualifier. They are
great today. Of course, they need to be
since the Nats’ hitting is anemic, and that’s being kind. Strasburg, Gonzales, Zimmermann, Jackson, and
Detwiler are erasing the memories of Palmer, Cuellar, McNally and Dobson,
baseball’s last staff with 4 20-game winners.
That vaunted Orioles rotation
was backed up by Frank Robinson and Boog Powell, who would probably be able to
bat 3-4 in this current Nats line up if they showed up on the field this
afternoon. Who cares, Washington fans,
we are winning! As someone posted about
local sports writer and eternal optimist Tom Boswell, he attended a game last
week because he heard the team might clinch the division.
Fast forward one week – The Nats were swept this weekend by
the Dodgers, the first good team they have faced. Their disabled list now includes 3 all-star
caliber players (franchise face Ryan Zimmerman, clean up beast Michael Morse, 43
save closer Drew Storen). Their bats are
still on back order from the manufacturer.
Teddy has yet to win a President’s race.
Reality bites. At least Bryce
Harper hasn’t been arrested yet for domestic violence or a drunk and
disorderly. Then again, it’s only April
and he’s only been with the big club for 2 games. Philly in town this weekend – as a
precaution, ownership might consider taking the shoelaces out the Nat’s fans
shoes as they enter the park for the fans’ own protection.
Skins in the Game
The Skins did what everyone expected them to do when they
mortgaged the future for the rights to draft RG3. The fans in DC are so excited that Dan Snyder
was able to sell personal seat rights for RG3’s Canton induction ceremony in
2031. No one knows if the kid from
Baylor can produce at the pro level or what RG3 even stands for anymore. They do know that compared to RG1 (Sexy Rexy
Grossman), anyone is an upgrade. True to
form, the Washington Redskins have won the off season Super Bowl a record 6
times in the past decade. Good time to quietly
raise the parking rates at FedEx again, Danny Boy!
Fast forward one week – The Redskins announced that they
have released the almost legendary John Beck, the 3rd string
quarterback with such unlimited potential that Football Czar Mike Shanahan said
he would “stake his reputation on” Beck’s success in his magic system. Hey, Mike, how's that reputation holding up?
Without John Beck, who will the fans mock
now? This market needs a Patrick Ramsey,
a Heath Shuler, a Jeff George. Without a
journeyman quarterback that is foisted on the fan base as the next big thing,
people might turn their attention to the rest of the roster and realize that
it’s the same team that limped to 6 wins last year.
Cap Space
After enduring a roller coaster season that included the
firing of their winningest coach in history and long stints on the injured list
for their best player (Backstrom) and the guy who we keep getting told is their
best defenseman despite all evidence to the contrary (Mike Green), the Capitals
punched their ticket to the Big Skate tournament. Once you’re in, anything can happen, and this
week, what happened was positive. The
Capitals embraced the role of underdog and knocked out the defending Cup
champion Boston Bruins in 7 games. The
victory was memorable for the manner in which they achieved it – stout defense,
not a Capitals’ signature these past few seasons. Local media types stopped preceding Coach
Dale Hunter’s name with the word “interim”.
With the Penguins out of the way, this is the year the franchise takes
the next step and competes in June for Lord Stanley’s Cup.
Fast forward one week – The Capitals lose Game 1 of their
second round match up to the #1 seed N.Y. Rangers and rookie superhero
goaltender Braden Holtby is unmasked as mortal by a few soft goals. Clearly, an embarrassing sweep is in the
making. Tee time reservations have been
made. The rabid fan base, accustomed to
annual April flame outs, starts burning their week-old Holtby jerseys in memorium. Local media types reinsert the word “interim”
before Coach Hunter’s name. Hope is on
ice after one loss.
Take a Bullet…Please!
The undermanned and outgunned Washington Bullets won 5
straight games to end the season on a high note. Their savvy roster move of unloading the
lazy, self-absorbed show boats that they drafted and signed in exchange for
hungry community college intramural bench talent paid off. This could be a winning strategy. Convince your competition that your squad is
so bad that they don’t even dress their best players in order to beat you, and
you might have a chance. Run the picket
fence and get the ball to Jimmy Chitwood for the last shot.
Fast forward one week – The NBA season is over and it’s a
trip back to the ping pong ball lottery for this woeful franchise. Come to think of it, the season ending is
actually good news and a chance at a lottery pick is good news. The season ended without an All-Star on the
team but there wasn’t a felony, wither.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right, Ernie?
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