This could be why all those Presidents are running away during every game:
An Open Letter to the Remaining Fans of the Washington Nationals Baseball Club from Team Ownership
December 3, 2010
Dear Loyal Fans,
We are saddened to learn that Adam Dunn, our popular and productive slugging first baseman for the past 2 seasons, has accepted a free agent contract of 4 years, $56 million from the Chicago White Sox. We cannot hide our disappointment, but we thank him for the many highlights he provided for our paying fans, and we wish him nothing but the best in his new home. We would never hold a grudge against him for rejecting our generous mid-season or our post-season offers after he publicly stated his desire to remain in DC and play alongside The Franchise, Ryan Zimmerman. Whatever.
Our club moves forward with confidence that we made a competitive and fair offer to Adam, considering his blooper-reel fielding follies and his abysmal 199 strikeouts last season. The Chicago White Sox brain-dead decision to offer the aging lummox market value for his services should not reflect poorly on our baseball and business determination to offer Adam, 2nd only to Albert Pujols in home runs since 2005, fewer years and far less money. We respectfully remind our fans that our Washington DC market offers the finest taxpayer financed public school education for his children, free admission to world-renown Smithsonian museums (open 364 days each year), and a relaxed and forgiving clubhouse atmosphere second only to Pittsburgh. These amenities, and more, have a dollar value that Mr. Dunn, who only stole 0 bases in 2 years, did not adequately consider.
We will not engage in finger pointing or recriminations over his departure. While we will all fondly remember his towering home runs and his rapidly declining annual batting average, our commitment is to look to the future, as the past is past and the present is only a bridge to the future, and the future is not now. For the last 4 years in Washington, we have worked and worked to field a profitable team that will compete for a World Series Championship someday, and that commitment to ‘someday’ has not wavered. As proof, we have made significant investments in our farm system, tirelessly cultivating tomorrow’s players-to-be-named-later. We will not be outmaneuvered for young, unproven talent, with big upside potential. With the money we’ve saved from Mr. Stubbleface’s bloated contract, we plan to attend the Little League World Series in Williamsport, PA this summer, evaluating underappreciated and under-aged talent that we can afford. We have even upgraded the stadium food options to take your mind off the on field experience, and are pleased to announce a multi-year extension with Ben’s Chili Bowl. We will not rest until our fans are eating Ben’s half-smokes, prepared “all the way”, deep into October.
We are not bitter, and will not live in the past. The search for big bats to fill the void left by that free-swinging, slow-footed, cast iron handed “player” has already begun. Both Dmitri Young and Wily Mo Pena have expressed desperation and availability, and are available at a value price that will help mitigate our proposed ticket price increases. Both chiseled athletes are guaranteed to provide thrills and chills, particularly for our younger fans who will line up for their free-with-paid-adult-admission bobblehead replicas of these Goliaths. These bobbleheads are sure to have a shelf life longer than the overweight, future albatross around the neck of the Chisox.
Yes, the future looks bright in Natstown. Once #1 draft pick Bryce Harper reaches puberty, flame throwing Stephen Strasburg’s arm is reattached, and Pudge Rodriguez sips from the Fountain of Youth, we should field a major league ballclub, and that’s a fact. Just today, Lastings Milledge was released by the Pirates, so don't throw away those "MIlledge People" T-shirts just yet. We are even exploring a rule change with MLB to allow Ryan Zimmerman the opportunity to bat twice in a row during home games. Fan-tastic!
Take heart, Nats fans! We lost over 100 games with Done, and we can do more without him. You can count on us.
Happy Holidays, and remember our 2011 motto – Good Seats Still Available!
Mark Lerner
Principal Owner
Washington Nationals Baseball Club
Mention this letter and receive free shipping with your vintage Adam Dunn "Natinals" commemorative jersey (while supplies last)
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