Debrief

I remember that my father asked for very little each Christmas from his children – socks, underwear, and to be left alone for 5 minutes once in awhile.  I realize now that all three items could be easily hidden from public view, unlike a Charlie Brown tie, or a pom-pom knit cap, or a night out at a Disney double feature.  He aspired to the simple, quiet life, but he did have twice as many kids as I do.  Simple was not an option for his every day, but at least he could try to simplify his own Christmas experience.  Now that I have attained a similar age, I ask for the same things he once did.  Ah, the Holy Grail of Simplicity, where are you?  This year, I am happy to report 66% success on my three main requests – I took a nap and got new underwear.  I’ll have to buy my own socks.  Here’s a summary of some other notable Christmas 2010 gifts:

6 New Pairs of Underwear:  Yes, this is what Christmas has become for me – the predictable joy of annually replacing aging pairs of underwear that are a few threads beyond their expiration date.  My new assortment of 6 pairs gives me permission to dispose of 4 pairs.  I cannot bring myself to do a one-for one swap, because I never want to get caught ‘short’.  Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Tin of Altoids:  The longer one is married, the more important minty fresh breath becomes.  The tin also fits comfortably into the toe of the Christmas stocking, and this benefit cannot be underestimated.  On top of that, they are “curiously refreshing”.

University of Delaware Hooded Sweatshirt:  This gift is 30 years too late, but I can finally cross it off my Bucket List.  This blue and gold masterpiece garnered me the best compliment of the season, from my 6 year old daughter:  “Daddy, you look young in that sweatshirt.”  Kids never lie.

Starbucks Gift Card:  $10 value, good for 2 grande lattes.  So unfair, but so appreciated.

The Dad's Book: For the Dad Who's Best at Everything:  Thomas is at that in-between age, where I can’t tell if the book is meant as an innocent compliment (“You’re the best Dad ever”), or a self-help instruction guide (“Dad, you have some work to do, so read this to see where you are failing to meet my expectations of a father.”)  I’ll assume the former, and would appreciate not being corrected if it is the latter.

Nestles Crunch (Mini-Size):  It makes no difference to me that Lucy has saved this for me since Halloween (hopefully Halloween 2010, but you can never be sure).  It also makes no difference to me that Lucy has given me this same candy treat on several other occasions, including each day leading up to Christmas.  In her mind, this is the first time, and she knows that Nestles Crunch is my favorite candy of all-time.  It isn’t – I’d have to go with Reese’s (preferably frozen).  It was the joy and enthusiasm with which she presented the gift and insisted that I eat it that made the gift special.  No gift receipt with this present – she wanted to see it chewed up, swallowed, and savored.  The real gift was watching her face as I ate the candy.  Sweet. 

 

Toby’s Favorites:  When all the gift cards are spent, the underwear replaced, and the candy consumed, and I am left with only fading memories, this gift will most likely stand out.  As regular readers know, Marra  and I enjoy spirited musical battles over the car radio stations (see Station Break).  Marra’s gift is her attempt to bridge the generational divide, and it is inspired.

The title of the gift, Toby’s Favorites, comes from the name of the HOT 99.5 FM DJ who commented on one of my blogs a few months ago.  For the gift, Marra printed out the lyrics and acoustic chords to some of her favorite songs that I admitted that I could stomach.  Thanks to her compilation, I can now play Lady Gaga’s Poker Face on the guitar; Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World; Jay-Z’s Empire State of Mind; and other popular club hits.  My versions lack the pulsating beat of the studio tracks, but I make up for that with my soulful strumming...or not.

If you are lucky, you will never hear me play and sing Poker Face, but in the quiet of my basement cave, I can now rock out to Lady Gaga.  My teenager is trying to meet me half way, and that doesn’t happen every day.  In fact, who knows when it will happen again?

 

Christmas is really about the giving, not the getting, so what did I give as the big Sherrier family gift this year?

Justin Bieber:  At ages 14, 12 and 6, my children are ready to take on more responsibility in their lives, so I broke down and bought a pet.  I wanted to start small, something that if we failed, we could flush.  That ruled out dogs and most cats.  Thinking ‘simplicity’, I opted for a betta fish – small, low maintenance, quiet.  As an added bonus, I am not required to carry the fish’s feces around the neighborhood in a plastic baggie.  Based on the fish’s flowing mane, youthful enthusiasm, and uncanny ability to carry a tune, we named him Justin Bieber.   He lasted through Christmas Day, before I had to provide an unceremonious “burial at sea” the next morning with a flick of the handle.  Rest in peace, Justin Bieber.  Your 15 minutes of fame in our house is over, but the memories live on in the bowl of tepid water you once called home.

Now it’s time to straighten up the house, and prepare ourselves for the January blues and the onset of seasonal affective disorder (otherwise known to my children as “back to school after winter break” disorder).  As I look back on the holiday, I believe I will hold the underwear gift closest throughout the year as a daily reminder of Christmas 2010, and with luck, it will reciprocate and hold me close (for about 20 more years).

TMI.