Thursday, September 6, 2012

Campaign Couplets

Back in January this year, I was trying to explain the political history of the prior 8 months of campaigning to my youngest child.  I felt it best to couch things in a language and cadence that she could relate to, so I wrote a rhyme.  At the time of publication, there were 4 candidates remaining in the GOP primary, and I vowed to eventually finish the poem once the field was settled.  With Obama’s nomination last night, here we are.  Time to finish what I started.

Here it is from start to (almost) finish:

The historic opportunity to unseat the Obama
Took a grave hit when he took out the Osama.
Still it looked worth the long days and the hard work
Since he was unquestionably a Socialist jerk.
How many crazies would jump into the fray?
Only time would tell how many and who may.

Trump, Daniels, Barbour and Huck
Decline to enter the primary muck.
Palin hovered on a One Nation bus nearby
But she leaves it to others to saddle up and try.

Ten egomaniacs visit Iowa towns
Romney is the preference when choosing among the clowns.
But voters prefer someone who could have more clout
Too bad – Chris Christie confirms he is out.

Nine pols tight on money, chasing frontrunning Mitt
Fighting one another to be the next Big Hit.
Tim Pawlenty had a chance, but attacks Mitt too late,
A bungled opportunity, and we’re now left with eight.

Eight folks debating every single day
None making sense with anything they say.
More Cain accusers (I think you get the gist)
Consults with his wife, then seven on the list.

Seven desperately vying for the nation’s top job
Newt steals some votes with a well-timed diner sob.
Iowa caucuses and Bachmann takes her licks
Goes home to her district – and then there were six.

Six GOP contenders slogging through the snow,
“After New Hampshire votes, then we’ll really know.”
Huntsman hopes the final votes will keep his candidacy alive,
New Hampshirites feel differently – and then there were five.

Five remaining candidates fighting on the stump
Rick Perry running last, looking like a chump;
While in Carolina, he sees an exit door,
Decides to endorse Newt, and then there were four.

Four lonely Republicans leaning too far to the right
Bashing the incumbent President with all of their verbal might.
All that’s left are Mitt, Paul, Newt and Rick,
So now the competition is who’s the biggest….

Could someone save us from political despair?
Someone with humor and perfectly coiffed hair?
Someone who would run on a whim and a dare?
I give you President Stephen Colbert!

Four tired candidates running after the Prez
Twisting the meaning of everything he says
Newt proclaims “To the moon with me!”
Mitt launches attack ads and then there were three.

Santorum now elevates to the top of the heap
Prays that evangelicals his candidacy to keep
Rick bets the farm he’ll win in Kalamazoo
But Mitt wins his home state and then there were two.

Romney and Paul are the two left standing
Only two left to continue glad-handing
Ron Paul vows to take his cause to the ends
His supporters won’t quit but the campaign suspends.

Mitt’s delegate count gets higher and higher
The more he calls out “Obama’s a liar!”
Paul can’t expand his Libertarian base
He fades to obscurity and that closes his case.

Romney’s the nominee of the GOP
He hopes to keep us the Land of the Free
He wasn’t their first choice but he is their last
Determined to bring us back to the past.

Ten likely candidates gave it a shot
It was an extreme and crazy lot.
All the time we knew it was Mitt’s turn
Although his positions you could hardly discern.

Now it’s general election time
Time to wade in political slime.
Each candidate will take their verbal whacks
And play it fast and loose with the facts.

The ads will fly
And the candidate will lie
Mitt or Barack? Barack or Mitt?
Regardless the winner, we’re in a world of…..


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