Campaign Couplets

Back in January this year, I was trying to explain the political history of the prior 8 months of campaigning to my youngest child.  I felt it best to couch things in a language and cadence that she could relate to, so I wrote a rhyme.  At the time of publication, there were 4 candidates remaining in the GOP primary, and I vowed to eventually finish the poem once the field was settled.  With Obama’s nomination last night, here we are.  Time to finish what I started.

Here it is from start to (almost) finish:

The historic opportunity to unseat the Obama

Took a grave hit when he took out the Osama.

Still it looked worth the long days and the hard work

Since he was unquestionably a Socialist jerk.

How many crazies would jump into the fray?

Only time would tell how many and who may.

Trump, Daniels, Barbour and Huck

Decline to enter the primary muck.

Palin hovered on a One Nation bus nearby

But she leaves it to others to saddle up and try.

Ten egomaniacs visit Iowa towns

Romney is the preference when choosing among the clowns.

But voters prefer someone who could have more clout

Too bad – Chris Christie confirms he is out.

Nine pols tight on money, chasing frontrunning Mitt

Fighting one another to be the next Big Hit.

Tim Pawlenty had a chance, but attacks Mitt too late,

A bungled opportunity, and we’re now left with eight.

Eight folks debating every single day

None making sense with anything they say.

More Cain accusers (I think you get the gist)

Consults with his wife, then seven on the list.

Seven desperately vying for the nation’s top job

Newt steals some votes with a well-timed diner sob.

Iowa caucuses and Bachmann takes her licks

Goes home to her district – and then there were six.

Six GOP contenders slogging through the snow,

“After New Hampshire votes, then we’ll really know.”

Huntsman hopes the final votes will keep his candidacy alive,

New Hampshirites feel differently – and then there were five.

Five remaining candidates fighting on the stump

Rick Perry running last, looking like a chump;

While in Carolina, he sees an exit door,

Decides to endorse Newt, and then there were four.

Four lonely Republicans leaning too far to the right

Bashing the incumbent President with all of their verbal might.

All that’s left are Mitt, Paul, Newt and Rick,

So now the competition is who’s the biggest….

Could someone save us from political despair?

Someone with humor and perfectly coiffed hair?

Someone who would run on a whim and a dare?

I give you President Stephen Colbert!

Four tired candidates running after the Prez

Twisting the meaning of everything he says

Newt proclaims “To the moon with me!”

Mitt launches attack ads and then there were three.

Santorum now elevates to the top of the heap

Prays that evangelicals his candidacy to keep

Rick bets the farm he’ll win in Kalamazoo

But Mitt wins his home state and then there were two.

Romney and Paul are the two left standing

Only two left to continue glad-handing

Ron Paul vows to take his cause to the ends

His supporters won’t quit but the campaign suspends.

Mitt’s delegate count gets higher and higher

The more he calls out “Obama’s a liar!”

Paul can’t expand his Libertarian base

He fades to obscurity and that closes his case.

Romney’s the nominee of the GOP

He hopes to keep us the Land of the Free

He wasn’t their first choice but he is their last

Determined to bring us back to the past.

Ten likely candidates gave it a shot

It was an extreme and crazy lot.

All the time we knew it was Mitt’s turn

Although his positions you could hardly discern.

Now it’s general election time

Time to wade in political slime.

Each candidate will take their verbal whacks

And play it fast and loose with the facts.

The ads will fly

And the candidate will lie

(sigh)

Mitt or Barack? Barack or Mitt?

Regardless the winner, we’re in a world of…..

Exceptionalism!