There is much truth to the concept of a psychosomatic illness. I think we have all suffered from it at one time or another. We read about itchy skin, and all of a sudden, we begin to scratch. Our neighbor discovers a mole that is diagnosed as skin cancer, and suddenly, every skin tag on our backs is malignant. If we think about being sick long enough, it seems we end up sick. The mind can be very powerful.
This is why I was not surprised that after reading online today about Surging Santorum, I started to feel a bit queasy. Even typing the words Surging Santorum causes a lump in my throat, a dry mouth, and a sour stomach. The prospect of Surging Santorum in my life makes me physically weak and confused. I hope I don’t catch it.
This is a relatively new disease, although there were some mild cases reported in Pennsylvania in the mid-1990s. By 2006, scientists believed that the virus had been totally eradicated from this country. But in early spring of this year, it reappeared on the landscape and began spreading across all 99 counties in Iowa. According to the articles I read, Surging Santorum has been isolated in Iowa and it has virtually no chance of spreading beyond its borders. In fact, if you believe the researchers, Surging Santorum will be gone by mid-January forever. At this point, I am not so sure. I can’t stop thinking that Surging Santorum could affect me and my family here in Virginia.
Reports vary, but there is some agreement about the common symptoms associated with the onset of Surging Santorum. It begins with a painful cramping in the mid-section and headaches. As the virus progresses, the patient begins to think that impossible things could happen, like Hell could freeze over, or that a failed Far Right politician could wrest the GOP nomination from candidates who are better funded, better known and more capable of winning an actual election with voters. The defining symptom is a loss of all common sense and perspective. In an odd twist, Surging Santorum does not seem to be able to take hold of those who do not accept that heterosexual marriage protects a person from poverty. The science is unclear as to why immunity exists for this interest group.
Thankfully, reading a newspaper, thinking, and drinking plenty of 12 oz. fluids provide the most effective relief from Surging Santorum. With a little bit of research, the Surging can be controlled and ultimately eliminated. I should note that if you ignore Santorum, it can go away by itself in some cases. Small amounts of Santorum are not fatal, but it is also not recommended for the young or the elderly.
It’s a good thing we can survive with just a small dose of Santorum. Actually, a little Santorum can be a good thing in moderation, as it leads to laughter and giddiness. It is really quite harmless. When it Surges, however, all bets are off. Call Doctor Paul.
In rare cases, if left untreated, Surging Santorum can metastasize into Runaway Santorum, and that can be difficult to stop. If I hear any reports of Surging Santorum being diagnosed in South Carolina or Florida, I may have to leave the country to protect my family. In fact, just writing these words is making me sick to my stomach. I keep telling myself that it is all is my head. Surging Santorum will never infect ME!
The mind can be very powerful. I have to stop thinking about Surging Santorum. It takes effort, but I can do it. I cured myself of Acute Newt, Michelle Malaise and Communicable Cain by using my brain. With luck and concentration, I will be cured again. No one should have to suffer from an unexpected Santorum Surge, especially during the holidays.
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