While I struggle to pound out the last few chords of the 2011 Sherrier Holiday Letter, here’s something to keep you busy. Here’s a look back at one of those letters that I always enjoyed above the rest, now 7 years old. Remember, I am a uniter, not a divider.
SHERRIER HOLIDAY LETTER 2004
In 2004, we as a nation once again celebrated the great divisions that have defined our country by holding another bitterly contested presidential election. For an entire year, we weren’t Americans fighting terrorists together; we were Americans terrorized by politicians and pundits fighting each other. The holidays are a time of healing, so we’ve provided a holiday letter for you, whether you live in a Blue State (Democratic) or a Red State (Republican). Enjoy the healing balm of a look back at the Sherriers 2004, regardless of your political leanings.
BLUE STATE VERSION: Thanks to the Democratic Party’s war against Big Tobacco, Big Drug Companies, and Big Insurance, we can report that we enjoyed a safe and prosperous 2004.
RED STATE VERSION: Thanks to the Republican Party’s war against the Democratic Party, we can report that we enjoyed a safe and prosperous 2004.
BLUE STATE VERSION: In spite of the poor Bush economy, we were able to take the whole family to Disney World in February.
RED STATE VERSION: Thanks to the Bush tax cuts, we were able to take the whole family to Disney in February.
BLUE STATE VERSION: This summer, the family enjoyed the clean air and waters of Bethany Beach and the Chesapeake Bay, thanks to sensible government environmental regulations.
RED STATE VERSION: This summer, the family spent too much money enjoying the waters of Bethany Beach and the Chesapeake Bay, primarily due to excessive government environmental regulatory costs.
BLUE STATE VERSION: Cherie turned 40 in August, and is now thankfully a member of the federally protected class of individuals over 40 who may not be discriminated against in employment.
RED STATE VERSION: Cherie turned 40 in August, one step closer to that New Deal era government entitlement trough called Social Security.
BLUE STATE VERSION: Marra (3rd grade) and Thomas (kindergarten) are thriving in the local public school system, learning the values of diversity and inclusion.
RED STATE VERSION: Marra (3rd grade) and Thomas (kindergarten) are making the best of their school situation while waiting for the day that school vouchers are available to send them to parochial school.
BLUE STATE VERSION: Marra is swimming this winter, still taking art lessons, and Thomas played 2 enthusiastic seasons of soccer.
RED STATE VERSION: Dittohead.
BLUE STATE VERSION: This year, we decided to have another baby.
RED STATE VERSION: This year, God decided that we should have another baby.
BLUE STATE VERSION: We’re losing sleep because of the baby.
RED STATE VERSION: We’re losing sleep because of Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction.
BLUE STATE VERSION: Cherie has to stay home with one more baby because of a right wing power conspiracy continues to deny women who re-enter the workplace their rightful positions making equal pay with their male counterparts.
RED STATE VERSION: She still has enough energy left to stay home with one more baby, and this administration encourages that strong moral choice with attractive tax breaks.
BLUE STATE VERSION: In order to enhance Joe’s marketable job skills before the economy gets worse, Joe earned his certification as a Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR).
RED STATE VERSION: In order to enhance Joe’s marketable job skills in an economy on the upswing, Joe earned his certification as a Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR).
BLUE STATE VERSION: Joe took up roller hockey this summer, and really enjoyed it. He was inspired by watching John Kerry windsurf. He hurt his shoulder slightly, but refused to see a doctor because of the high cost of health insurance.
RED STATE VERSION: Joe took up roller hockey this summer, and really enjoyed it. He was inspired to play such a tough sport after watching George Bush clear acres of brush on his ranch. He hurt his shoulder slightly, but has endured the discomfort as a symbol of his self-reliant manhood.
Whatever color your state – Red or Blue - Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and remember, Decision 2008 is right around the corner!
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