The GOP’s overtures to women in 2012 were rebuffed
convincingly at the ballot box last November, thanks in no small part to the
party’s romantic embrace of older white men with little or no knowledge of
women, biology, or common sense. When
your party becomes synonymous with the term “legitimate rape”, it’s time for an
intervention – a non-invasive one of course.
It is too early to tell if Republicans as a political party
learned anything from their disastrous embrace of far right candidates for
vacant Congressional seats in the last cycle.
But what remains crystal clear is that those people who hold extreme
social views are most comfortable identifying themselves with the Grand Old
Party.
To wit, so far in February 2013, Republicans have been busy
working towards smaller, less intrusive government, unless you have the
misfortune of being a pregnant woman:
·
Michigan Republicans have introduced a bill
requiring all women to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound before obtaining a
legal abortion. The bill states that the
“performance of a diagnostic ultrasound examination of the fetus at least two
hours before an abortion is performed” is required by law (not by medical
necessity).
·
A bill approved by Indiana’s state Senate Health
and Provider Services Committee would require clinics to conduct trans-vaginal
ultrasounds on women both before and after dispensing the pill RU486. The
bill would require two medically unnecessary ultrasounds – one before and one
after, to double the shaming no doubt.
·
The Alabama Senate is debating a bill that will
require women to undergo either an external or transvaginal ultrasound, and
women would not have a decision as to which procedure would be used. I guess that’s up to the doctor or the
governor. Transvaginal ultrasounds are
needed to detect an embryo in the earliest weeks of pregnancy.
To improve the party’s electoral fortunes, it’s time the GOP
stops focusing on women and turns their attention to men and their contribution
to societal decay. Maybe disgraced
candidates Akin and Mourdock from 2012 could lead the charge in the not so
distant future on men’s issues. Then we’ll
be reading about attempts to kill the real demon seed of all sexual and moral
impropriety:
GOP Moves to Outlaw Male Masturbation as “Assisted Suicide”
The Republican Party’s
favorite candidates from the 2012 election cycle are back in the national news,
and this time, they plan no apology tours.
Former Rep. Todd Akin
(MO) and former Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock have teamed up to
combat the scourge of male masturbation in America, calling the legal practice the
moral equivalent of “assisted suicide”.
They have drafted a bill for Congress that would outlaw the practice and
carry heavy fines and mandatory jail time for habitual offenders.
Akin and Mourdock
explained that life begins at ejaculation and must be respected at all levels
of civil society. Opponents believe that
this sticky issue will haunt the election campaigns of fellow Republicans in
2014, and they are mounting an aggressive thrust against what some describe as
too rigid a position.
Richard Hertz, an
unemployed GOP political consultant specializing in building the party’s
credibility with young voters, said, “Clearly these gentlemen have chosen to
take a hand’s on approach to a private and personal issue, and I believe that
is what rubs voters the wrong way. They should
stop spouting off and resist the urge to touch on this sensitive subject.”
Akin and Mourdock
appeared defiant at the announcement news conference.
“No potential life
should be choked off before it has an opportunity to grow into a child. It’s in the Constitution, I’m pretty sure. The right to the pursuit of happiness does
not give a person the right to kill,” said Akin.
Questions about
enforcement problems being a slippery slope towards sanctioned privacy invasion
were brushed off by the pair. “We have a
firm grip on this issue, trust us. If a
man cannot delay his own gratification at the expense of thousands of little
potential human lives, he deserves to go to jail. Jail is the only solution to stop this
madness,” Mourdock said, choking up while he spoke. “The only way to teach these deviants that
masturbation is murder is to send them to prison. That experience will teach them never to do
that again.”
Akin and Mourdock
stated that they hope this focus on men will help repair their standing with
women. In order to demonstrate the
party’s renewed focus on the women’s vote, the pending legislation would only
target men who Akin explained have a genetic predisposition to exercise more self-control
than women.
Akin said, “The male
body has ways of shutting that whole thing down.”
Democrats were in a
tight spot, now having to defend an act as legal and natural that nonetheless
makes people feel icky talking about.
Sen. Harry Reid focused on the challenges that would face law
enforcement.
“I do not believe in
the concept of nullification and I believe that question was settled by the
Civil War; however, I can tell you that, should this proposed measure become
the law of the land, it is likely that authorities in my home state of Nevada
will refuse to enforce the law and will publicly take a hand’s off approach,”
whined Reid in remarks to an empty Senate chamber. “Nevadites or Nevadians believe it is a man’s
choice.”
It could happen.
The GOP: when it comes to women’s rights, GOP should stand
for Got Other Priorities.
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