Thursday, May 26, 2011

WWOD on Memorial Day?

While I write mostly for my own pleasure, there are times when a paying gig is appreciated.  As you can imagine, I can be very non-partisan when it comes to my personal income, so it was without a hint of irony that I accepted this assignment from the Republican National Committee.  I have been asked to prepare the GOP response to Obama’s possible activities over the Memorial Day weekend, so I have to be ready for anything!
The writing formula is fairly (or unfairly, as you will see) straight forward, and consists of two mandatory ingredients – it’s Memorial Day weekend, and whatever it was, Obama did the wrong thing.  The resulting flavor from this mix of ingredients needs to reflect the personality and message discipline of the assigned GOP presidential contender, but at this early stage, they are all interchangeable, aren’t they?  Let me know how I did.  WWOD (what would Obama do) on Memorial Day?

What if…

…Obama Lays Wreath at Arlington Cemetery?

Special for Newt Gingrich:  “President Obama never misses an opportunity to politicize a solemn holiday, and today was no different.  The President, who never served in the U.S. military for undisclosed reasons, staged a first-in-history photo op at the graves of our brave men and women who fought against tyranny and socialism throughout our 400 years of existence as God’s Chosen Nation.  This brings into question his fidelity to our military, and one’s fidelity must never be open to question.
Special tweet for Sarah Palin:  “Wreaths are for Christmas, but of course, you don’t celebrate that holiday, do you?  Shame on you, BHO!”
Special for Rick Santorum:  “The First Lady wore a sleeveless dress to Arlington.  I find that deeply offensive and out of step with mainstream American values.”

…Obama Spends Memorial Day with Troops in Afghanistan?

Special for Mitt Romney:  “President Obama today used our brave fighting soldiers as political backdrops to draw attention away from his dithering and international apology tour.  After making a point to state that the US shouldn’t “spike the football” after the alleged death of Osama bin Laden, he now wants to remind Americans at every turn that he is a man of the military.  One is left wondering who the real Barack Obama is, since he seems to change daily.” 
…Obama Sends Video Message to Troops on Memorial Day?

Special for Michelle Bachmann:  “Today, on this special day when we commemorate those selfless builders of our national memorials, the President dishonored our fearless troops by not visiting them personally.  Instead, he hid safely behind the camera lens in his luxury office in Washington, far from harm’s way.  In this cowardly manner, the President acknowledged the soldiers with his words, but look beyond the elitist vocabulary – where was his flag lapel pin?  I think the message sent by the absence of that pin speaks volumes more than any prepared speech, and I believe that the American people can see through this patriotic ruse.  If he was one of us, he would wear the pin.”

…Obama Plays Golf?

Special for Tim Pawlenty:  “On a solemn day when we remember those who went before us, those that gave their lives defending American exceptionalism, it is unconscionable that the Leader of the Free World would disrespect their memory by playing golf.  As you will recall, President Bush pledged not to play golf while our troops were in harm’s way; too bad this President couldn’t show the same respect.  Perhaps if he were born in Minnesota, the son of a milk truck driver, whose mother died of cancer when he was 16, and an avid ice hockey player turned successful two-term governor, he would have more respect for the men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice.” 
…Obama Cancels his Golf Game?

Special for any undeclared candidate who needs a boost:  “President Obama, in a transparent attempt to pander to race fans everywhere, cancelled his Memorial Day golf game to spend time at home.  Isn’t it interesting that he encouraged the White House to leak a story that he chose instead to watch the Indy 500 in his government subsidized home theater?  Clearly, he will do anything for the white vote.”

…Obama Picnics with Family and Friends?

Special for Herman Cain:  “One minute, he is legislating a fat free diet to the American public, mandating what we can and cannot eat.  The next minute, he’s all over the TV eating fried foods and pastries.  You can taste the hypocrisy.  What’s wrong with a delicious and nutritious Godfather’s pizza, anyway?  This weekend, enjoy a 4 topping large pizza for only $15, delivered fresh and hot in 30 minutes.”

…Obama Stays Out of Sight, Reportedly Working?

Special for Ron Paul:  “First of all, the government should never mandate a holiday.  If we allow set holidays, it is a slippery slope before all your liberties are taken away from you.  That said, on this holiday weekend, this President chose to flaunt his high paying government job in the face of those struggling to make ends meet, thanks to the recession of his making.  Solely because of Obama’s callous disregard for the high tax rates that choke patriotic job creators in this country, millions are out of work, and he chooses this solemn occasion to hide in his office.  He is “spiking the football” in the face of the unemployed by working himself.  How insulting to those hard-working Americans who cannot find work to have their President literally bragging about his government job.  It’s outrageous!”

Remember, every time you read these statements in the papers or on your favorite Internet news source this weekend, I make a nickel.  Hooray for the Invisible Hand, and thank you to all who have served our nation. 

Now, where did I put that flag pin?

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