Sunday, August 28, 2011

More Blowing Wind

It’s back to normal for most of the East Coast this morning, and time for the GOP candidates hunkered down in Des Moines Iowa this week to recapture the flag of attention.  MSRP has obtained exclusive excerpts from the candidates’ Sunday talk show appearances, and it sounds like they used this forum to deny the science behind Hurricane Irene.

 “See?” said Gov. Rick Perry on Meet the Press.  “We prayed for rain and here it comes, by the bucketful.  If anything, this proves the existence of God.  It certainly does not support the theory of global dryness.  We don’t need no stinkin’ scientists.  All you East Coast liberals need to do is stick your head out a window!  Next question.”

Rick Santorum joined the pile on Face the Nation:  “I’ve seen the memos from meteorologists discussing the potential for “raining cats and dogs”.  When the first Jack Russell terrier hits me on the head, then we’ll talk about the science of weather prognosticating.  Until that day, hurricanes in New York are just a theory.  If I may add, New York could use a good hosing off.”

In a video clip aired on Fox News Sunday, Michelle Bachmann explained to a rapt audience how the Founding Fathers did not mention the weather in the Constitution.  “We know that it was cold in Valley Forge and hot in Philadelphia in the summer of 1776, but other than that, we know very little.  Isn’t it interesting that the Democrats and Barack Obama have shifted the lame stream media focus to the storm clouds when the economy is being hijacked by Chinese right here on the ground?  We’re drowning in debt, and Obama would have Americans evacuate instead of swim!!!”    

Not to be outdone, Herman Cain pandered to the base with renewed energy on CNN’s State of the Union.  “Water is a natural resource, and we need water to live.  How can water and rain be harmful?  That’s real science, my friends.  It is our American birthright to enjoy everything in abundance, and we are not fooled by your fancy charts and Dopplers.  By the way, I have just been notified that your hot and delicious Godfather’s pizza might be delayed more than 30 minutes, so please be patient, especially if you live in the coastal areas of the Carolinas, Virginia, Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island.”

The Gingrich campaign had no planned appearances and did not issue any statements.  He is on vacation this week.

Ron Paul held a rally attended by 20,000 rabid Iowan supporters, but no press covered the event, so MSRP has no quotes from Rep. Paul as of press time.

Thaddeus McCotter, who will do anything for attention, tried this line of attack on Newsmakers:  “Isn’t it interesting that Obama named all the hurricanes this year after women, in a shameless attempt to pander to men.  I have no doubt that next year in the run up to the 2012 election, he will name all the hurricanes after men to influence the woman’s vote.  The man has no shame.”

Mitt Romney would not allow himself to be accused of leading from behind on this critical wedge issue, so he issued the following statement:  “Hurricane Irene, the most anti-business hurricane in the last thousand years happened on Obama’s watch.  Let’s see him try to blame this one on Bush.  I saw on TV that onerous regulatory agencies across the federal government are forcibly evacuating entrepreneurs from thriving beach communities, thereby crushing innovation.  The selling of sheet lumber and bottled water at a premium price in line with demand is as American as American Idol.  It’s time to take back America!”

Jon Huntsman used the hysteria to brandish his common sense bona fides on Meet the Press:  “I accept the science of hurricanes, and believe that rain is a direct cause of flooding.  I encourage my fellow candidates for the nomination to lift their heads out of the sand and stop acting like idiots.  How am I not winning this thing?”

I found it odd that every candidate missed the real issue:  Hurricane Irene is a shameless media driven attempt to draw sympathy for NYC and represents a manufactured crisis designed to gain support for Obama’s plan to take our guns.  Duh.

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