Orange You Glad You Voted For Us?

An Open Letter from House Speaker Boehner on the second anniversary of his ascension to the Speaker's Chair.

November 2, 2012

Dear Fellow Americans and Democrats:

Now that Campaign Season 2012 is upon us, it’s time to look back and bask in the glory of our legislative accomplishments.  You voted for us to take action and we did.  In our first 2 years in power, we:   

• Repealed the Kennedy Center Honor given to Barbra Streisand in 2008.
• Renamed California “New Reagan”. (HR 1984, approved by voice vote)
• Defined personhood in the law as beginning with “the twinkle in your father’s eye.” (HR 1973, sponsored by Michele Bachmann)
• Privatized the Food and Drug Administration (“If a company produces food that kills the consumer, that company will not be in business for long – the survivors will take their food purchasing power elsewhere.  That, my friends, is the market at work!”  Rep. Paul Ryan, during the memorable floor debate.)
• Required that activist judges wear a scarlet letter “A” on their robes during public hearings.
• Added the first 5 of the Ten Commandments to the Constitution (unfortunately, we couldn’t get the second 5 Commandments out of Rep. David Vitter’s committee).
• Lowered the tax rate for individual earners making over $500,000 per year to 0%. “These are the small business professionals, the entrepreneurs, the plumbers who took the risks to create jobs in this country.  They deserve the reward and the incentive to continue their pro-growth ways.  Anything more would be anti-success.” - Rep. Mike Pence
• Designated the months of March through December as White History Months.
• Repealed DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) in a demonstration of bipartisanship, and replaced with “Let Me Be Frank with You”, named after Sen. Barney Frank.  The new regulations allow openly gay individuals to serve their country with honor, assuming they agree not to make eye contact with fellow soldier and only participate in peace-keeping assignments.
• Defunded the National Endowment for the Arts, and reallocated to where the money can work for you, the citizens - the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.

And our signature achievement: Construction of a border fence along our Southern and Northern borders has been completed.  The fences are 15 feet high, topped with barbed wire and fully electrified, guaranteed to keep out global warming from the south, and global cooling from the north.

The deficit continues to rise, unemployment remains dangerously high, and spending has grown these past 2 years, but we will not take the low road and blame President Obama and his Socialist agenda for destroying the very foundation of capitalism and freedom.  While we fully recognize that economic conditions in this country are still below our lofty expectations, we also acknowledge that things will continue to deteriorate until the GOP has control of the Senate, White House, Supreme Court, and quite possibly Mexico.  We can say with pride, “We took your country back", just like you asked.  We look forward to more political power in the future so we can to help you, the little people who do all the work in our great nation, do more for yourselves while we help ourselves. 

That's America to us.  Thank you for your votes, and your freedom.

Respectfully,

John Boehner
Speaker of the House of Representative

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