Shooting Off at the Mouth

MSRP has been known to print an original parody of popular political issues from time to time.  Today, we bring you a genuine self-parody from Wayne LaPierre, one of the NRA’s highest-profile leaders.  Here is LaPierre’s most recent assault on comedy:

“[The Obama campaign] will say gun owners — they’ll say they left them alone,” LaPierre told an audience at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) Friday. “In public, he’ll remind us that he’s put off calls from his party to renew the Clinton [assault weapons] ban, he hasn’t pushed for new gun control laws… The president will offer the 2nd Amendment lip service and hit the campaign trail saying he’s actually been good for the 2nd Amendment.”

“But it’s a big fat stinking lie!” the NRA leader exclaimed. “It’s all part of a massive Obama conspiracy to deceive voters and destroy the 2nd Amendment in our country.”

“Obama himself is no fool. So when he got elected, they concocted a scheme to stay away from the gun issue, lull gun owners to sleep and play us for fools in 2012. Well, gun owners are not fools and we are not fooled,” La Pierre declared.

“… President Obama and his cohorts, yeah, they’re going to deny their conspiracy to fool gun owners. Some in the liberal media, they are already probably blogging about it. But we don’t care because the lying, conniving Obama crowd can kiss our Constitution!”

He was serious.  Let that one sink in for a moment. 

The leader of the NRA thinks that Obama (and a mysterious group known only as “they”) took these pro-Second Amendment steps:

·         signed an executive order that allows concealed loaded weapons onto national park property;

·         asked his own party not to request an extension of the Clinton era assault weapons ban;

·         ignored calls for greater gun control in the wake of the Gabby Giffords’ shooting in Tucson;

all as part of a concerted, secret plan to lull gun owners to sleep so he could win reelection and THEN take their guns.

That LaPierre was serious is reason enough for me to insist that we take HIS guns.       

Like everything else in my life, I associate real life events with television.  This nonsensical conspiracy theory reminds me of a Seinfeld episode when Kramer takes all of Jerry’s sneakers to the Mom and Pop store for repairs, only to later find out that Mom and Pop closed up shop and left town with Jerry’s shoes.  Kramer deduced that this must have been all part of Mom and Pop’s master plan – move into the neighborhood, establish a business and build trust…for 50 years…in order to eventually steal Jerry’s sneakers.  Ingenious.

Attention, Mr. LaPierre.  This is another voice in your head.  Just as we treat Kramer, we are not laughing with you – we are laughing at you.  Thanks for the entertainment, but please seek professional assistance with your delusions.  You are scaring us, and anyone else with a thread of common sense left.