Friday, June 3, 2011

Poor Piper Palin Pouts "Phooey"

An Open Letter to Piper Palin, 10 year old daughter of former half-term governor of Alaska:

Dear Piper,

I read your quote in the newspaper this morning, and it made me sad.  It seems that you told a Time magazine reporter, “Thanks for ruining our vacation.”  Did someone tell you that your bus trip was a family vacation?  If so, I can understand your disappointment, but let me explain some things to you that will be hard to understand.

You are not on vacation, even though you are not at home.  This is a business trip of your mom’s design.  Mommy and Daddy are not paying for this trip.  Your mom’s political action committee, SarahPAC, is paying all the bills for the trip.  Using PAC money to fund a personal family vacation would be unethical at best, illegal at worst, so please understand – this is not a family vacation, although it might be fun at times staring out the tinted windows watching the people wave and honk their honks. 
If this were a vacation, you would not have arrived 10 minutes away from Mitt Romney’s scheduled presidential campaign announcement in New Hampshire to upstage him.  If this were a vacation, you would not be traveling in a custom bus with right wing patriotic sounding buzz words plastered on the side.  If this were a family vacation, you would not have been dragged to Washington, D.C. for Rolling Thunder on Memorial Day.  If this were a family vacation, your mom would not be doing press avails with Americana backdrops in the camera shot at every opportunity.  If this were a family vacation, mommy would not be having as much fun.

Your mom has probably told you that the press is bad, and that they are out to get you.  While that may be true on occasion, you should know that you are not on vacation, and that your mom really loves and needs the press.  The press provides mommy with publicity, and publicity helps mommy sell books and demand 6 figure speaking fees.  So remember, you may think that the press is ruining your vacation, but the press is actually helping to finance all of your future vacations!

One more thing – if mommy makes you put on a pretty dress and walk on stage with her next summer in Tampa, that is not a vacation, either, and the press will try to ruin that experience for you, too.  Mommy pretends that she doesn’t like the press, but it is a game – a fun game that mommy knows how to play and how to win.

When you are older, you will understand.  We’ll go ice fishing together and kill some wild animals.  I promise.


Your daddy

PS – Mommy and I talked, and you can play the game with us if you want.  Mommy said it would be OK if you showed the bad Time magazine reporter your raised middle finger one time, if you get mad.  She said it would be cute and play well in South Carolina.  It is NOT a sin if it is politically motivated.  Just be sure that you smile when you do it, and hold the pose for 3 seconds.  Then we'll buy you an ice cream.

No comments:

Post a Comment