Sunday, February 6, 2011

31 Flavors

It's a day of the Big Game (as noted in previous posts, I cannot use the phrase "Super Bowl" since I have not paid the NFL for the rights), so I cannot reasonably expect any heavy thinking from the readers today...or myself for that matter.  So here is a random collection of thoughts, platitudes, mission statements, rantings, musings, and other emissions that have occurred to me and from me over the past few weeks.  I think it is more efficient to list them here than to provide these sweet treats as daily Facebook updates.  Happy Big Game Sunday!

1.       I never want to have a 5K named after me.
2.       If I ever have a hernia, I would like it to be a sports hernia.
3.       Those colorful, shiny orbs that people place on pedestals in their gardens are proof that we as a nation will buy anything if enough of our neighbor’s own it, too.
4.       With the exception of Ivy League schools, if your alma mater has a nationally recognized football team, you have a better chance of landing a job.
5.       Everyone is on a diet.  Some diets are lousy; some are healthy, but whatever we eat is our diet.
6.       The number of pages in a particular piece of legislation should not be allowed to define its merits.  The Bible has quite a few pages, and it is generally considered to be a valuable book.
7.       It still amazes me that in my adult lifetime, there used to be smoking and non-smoking sections on airplanes, and the only barricade between the two sections was your row number.
8.       Stephen King should really be locked up somewhere.  No sane person could think all those thoughts and write them down.
9.       Sometimes if you wait, a problem does go away by itself.
10.   I believe with all my heart that if Mike Piazza had rushed the mound after ‘Roid-Rage Clemens threw the broken bat at him, the Mets would have at least made the 2000 World Series a 7 game series.  
11.   I thought we’d all be driving Hovercrafts by now.
12.   Justice and revenge are not the same thing.
13.   I don’t know anyone personally who bought those X-ray glasses that were advertised in the back of magazines years ago.  I do know a lot of people who gave it serious consideration, though.
14.   By far the toughest day of work is the morning after you don’t win the $300 million Mega Millions Jackpot you were counting on.
15.   If I won the lottery, I would buy really nice and expensive sunglasses, and not care if they got lost or broken.
16.   Do we really need both AM and FM stations anymore?  We stopped selling black and white TVs at some point.
17.   Everyone has something wrong with them – pimples, acid reflux, bad hearing in one ear – something.  It may not be obvious, but everyone has a flaw, a weakness, and this is our great equalizer.
18.   When will the cursive signature be added to the dust heap of history?  I will miss it when it’s gone.
19.   Work gives me energy, and laziness makes me tired.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
20.   Spending is spending and investing is investing.
21.   Those little sliding windows in the confessional booth were designed by the same guy who devised the sliding windows in solitary confinement prison cells.  That should tell you something.
22.   I learned recently that Bambi was a boy deer.  Bambi never really took off as a boy name, though, for some reason.
23.   I would hope that advances in medical research will finally prove that the handkerchief must be banned.  Once nasal exhaust becomes dry and crusty, the germs are still alive with the power to infect again, particularly when stored in a dark, warm and linty pocket.
24.   I think defibrillators in the workplace are taking the entire self-service culture a bit too far.  It’s a slippery slope before a full array of surgical tools are available everywhere, and we’ll all be expected to know how to use them.
25.   Is allowing Budweiser to sponsor race cars sending a bad message to the kids?
26.   I am surprised, given the American obsession with NASCAR and the automobile in general, that more red-necks don’t drive cabs for a living.
27.   Celsius or Fahrenheit – make up your mind already.
28.   We play the Super Bowl in February, the World Series in November, the Stanley Cup in June.  It is only a matter of time before March Madness rolls into May.
29.   I have never met anyone who regrets having learned a musical instrument as a child.
30.   There is nothing more disappointing about a home than poor water pressure from the shower (thanks, Greg).
31.   Potvin sucks.

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