Jingle All Thanksgiving Day

My daughter is doing a countdown to the return of her favorite radio station’s annual commitment to all Christmas music all the time (through January 1^st).  For her, the holiday tunes can’t come soon enough, tunes that inspire her to ask for things that she would rather not have to buy with her own money.  For most of us, we can wait patiently for the season to arrive.  We’ve been through this drill a number of times.

It is an old story every year that Christmas starts earlier and earlier.  The Back to School J.C. Penney’s ads are still warm on our TV screens when we fast forward past the traditional “Lexus Sales Event to Remember” commercials with the SUV wrapped in red ribbon.  This post is not about those feelings that time is hurling past us with ever increasing speed.  This is about something more tangible.  This is about work.

If it seems that Christmas is coming earlier every year, that’s because Christmas is coming earlier every year.  This year, Walmart, Toys 'R Us, Kmart, and Sears are all opening their doors at 8 pm on Thanksgiving Day.  That's two to four hours before they kicked things off last year.  Black Friday has morphed into Black Week. 

Target felt the holiday pressure and they too have changed their hours to match their competitors.  Thankfully, Target employees are fighting the change with online petitions and anonymous statements of discontent to local Patch investigative reporters.  That always works, but if it doesn’t, your red smock had better be cleaned and pressed or you’ll get sent home without pay on Thanksgiving.

The slippery slope towards squeezing holiday cheer in favor of profitability had a specific tipping point for me.  In the early 1990s when religious holidays were shared by the secular world in order to give working stiffs a break, one Britches Great Outdoors manager saw the future and capitalized on an opportunity.  While the world of retail slept one Easter Sunday, he opened his doors just to see what would happen.  Bad news.  His store did big dollars, and the floodgates were breached for every other Britches store to open the following Easter.  Yes, I blame you, Steve King (or maybe it was that go-getter Nick Costino).  Either way, we all suffered because of your decision to preempt a holiday for a higher velocity on Warthog shirts sales.

That’s when holidays at home with family died for me.  I eventually escaped the retail wheel, but not everyone can be so lucky.

Truth be told, some Target workers are not complaining about the extended shopping hours on Thanksgiving Day.  The company pays time and a half for working the holiday and in tight economic times, that’s welcome money for the 47% who usually do not take personal responsibility for themselves according to a former politician recently discredited.  When  it comes to extra pay for work, some actually do want to work.

But not everyone. 

 

Stores used to be closed on Sundays, a faith based exception to the endless cycle of consumerism.  Those days are over.

Some workers want to spend time with family, a sentiment that used to be encouraged by those committed to family values and the value of a nuclear family.  Unfortunately, these family values conflict with the urge to buy a 55” flat screen TV for $59 immediately after the Redskins-Cowboys game but before the eggnog starts flowing before bedtime.  We have exceptional priorities in this country, and that cannot be debated.

I am not a socialist.  I understand that you’ll never get 100% of the workforce off on a holiday.  Public servants, utilities, IT help desk, doctors, members of the Dallas Cowboys – they always have to work on Thanksgiving Day.  But should there be a line in the sand, a public policy or public gentleman’s agreement that reinforces a commitment to family and thanksgiving?  A mandatory pause to collectively reflect, whether in prayer or in silence, is a bipartisan dream.  Can the noise of cash registers be minimized for one day instead of constantly expanded at the expense of family time?

We might be better served cancelling all holidays.  In a 24-7-365 world, one day is just like the next.  They all end with the letter ‘y’ after all, including apparently, Thanksgivingy.

For the record, I’ll be home on Thanksgiving but I will watch the ceremonial first trampling of a shopper from the safety and comfort of my living room.

Thank a lot, Steve (or Nick).

Jindal All the Way

Things We Think And Do Not Say.

Originally this title was used by Jerry Maguire for his memo…sorry, mission statement…about the state of the sports agent profession.  His radical approach called for “more personalized attention and fewer clients”.  His coworkers thought that poor Jerry had lost his mind when the reverse was true.  He had experienced a “moment of clarity”.  His sanity among the insane made him look crazy. 

Initially Jerry was led to believe that his memo…sorry, mission statement…was widely accepted by his peers.  Unfortunately, speaking aloud his bold criticisms and vision for his profession’s way forward caused him to lose his job, his friends, and his earning potential.  All that remained for Jerry was a loyal goldfish and a blindly partisan Renee Zellweger.   His career was ruined and he was destined to live incompletely.

If Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal isn’t careful, he too may find himself a pariah in his profession.  This week he spoke aloud the things we think but do not say, and I agree with him.

Jindal was quoted in Politico this week saying the things Republicans should be thinking but never say.  As they lick their collective electoral wounds, maybe we’ll hear more of this:

“We’ve got to make sure that we are not the party of big business, big banks, big Wall Street bailouts, big corporate loopholes, big anything. We cannot be, we must not be, the party that simply protects the rich so they get to keep their toys.”

And this:

“It is no secret we had a number of Republicans damage our brand this year with offensive, bizarre comments — enough of that. It’s not going to be the last time anyone says something stupid within our party, but it can’t be tolerated within our party. We’ve also had enough of this dumbed-down conservatism. We need to stop being simplistic, we need to trust the intelligence of the American people and we need to stop insulting the intelligence of the voters.”

It is past time someone who cannot be labeled a Democratic shill spoke the truth about the modern Republican Party, its beliefs and its messaging.

“When we talk about energy policy, it cannot simply just be ‘drill more,’ it has to be more than that — it has to be comprehensive.”

“Simply being the anti-Obama party didn’t work. You can’t beat something with nothing (emphasis added).  The reality is we have to be a party of solutions and not just bumper-sticker slogans but real detailed policy solutions.”

Thank you, Bobby.

He wasn’t done.  He urged the party to “stop reducing everything to mindless slogans, tag lines, 30-second ads that all begin to sound the same."

He even went after the racial undercurrents in GOP messaging, albeit not as strongly as I would have liked, by calling on his fellow party members to “reject identity politics” and “treat folks as individuals, as Americans, not as members of special interest groups.”

Now Jindal is clearly not ready to claim the mantle of Jerry Maguire since he didn’t go all the way.  He told Politico that the GOP messages on abortion and gay rights needed only a shift in tone instead of an overhaul of ideas.  He called for more detailed policy answers to complex national questions, and in the next breath equivocated on immigration reform by instead preferring to wait for Obama’s approach before committing himself.  He’ll have to go all the way if he hopes to “complete” any Iowa caucus goers or New Hampshire primary voters.

Bobby Jindal, once a party darling until he botched the response to Obama’s first State of the Union address, may be coming back.  It’s easy to be the adult in the room when you’re not on stage with Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann facing an audience of blood thirsty Obama haters.  We’ll see how his attempt to chastise his own party plays over time.  There’s a long way to go until 2016 but the clock is ticking.  

The Buffalo News today announced its endorsement of Hillary Clinton for President in 2016.  The clock is ticking.

Mandatory Refunds

If you can't win at the ballot box, at least you can demand a refund.

The anti-regulatory fever that has gripped the Republican caucus the past 4 years may finally be breaking.  Now that the election has ended, there is a strong movement afoot in the House to impose anti-capitalistic regulatory controls on SuperPAC spending in order to protect vulnerable contributors.  And in a twist of irony, the GOP is proposing rules that sounds eerily like those within Obamacare, the law that “destroyed freedom”, according to Internet bloggers and Fox News paid contributors. 

The main thrust of the proposed new regulation would mandate that SuperPACs spend 80% of their contribution dollars on providing candidate support or give a refund to clients of the difference.  The goal is to insure that candidates benefit from the contributions, and not just SuperPAC employees. 

The law is a direct response to the electoral drubbing suffered by Republican candidates across the country, most supposedly supported by free spending SuperPACs that promised landslide victories.  Instead, consultants and pollsters got wealthy while the GOP candidates lost.

The proposed legislation has been modeled after the portion of the Obamacare law that requires health insurers to spend at least 80% of their customers' premiums on health services, leaving no more than 20% for administrative costs and advertising. That means if an insurance company spends 78% of the money it collects on health benefits for customers, it has to send rebate checks for the additional 2%.  In short, after November 6^th, some in the Republican Party want their money back.

In August, health insurance companies refunded $1.1 billion in premiums to about 12.8 million customers, thanks to the Affordable Care Act.  Irate Republicans now see political consultants like Karl Rove getting rich while their candidates suffered and died at the polls on Election Day.  The rebate law would guarantee that contributions helped candidates win or were returned to the contributors.

"The 80/20 rule in the Affordable Care Act is intended to ensure that consumers get value for their health care dollars.  All we are saying is that consumers of political candidates deserve value for their dollars.  When our candidates lose and consultants like Rove get rich, there is something wrong with our system,” said Eric Cantor at a hastily arranged news conference.  Cantor says he has the support of 48% of the population that voted for Mitt Romney and feels cheated.

According to reliable Internet rumors, in 2012, SuperPACs created to help the Romney/Ryan campaign spent an astonishing 70% of contributions on overhead expenses, such as consultant salaries, ad buys in non-swing states, and lavish travel to Fox News studios for on air interviews.  While most of the SuperPAC-backed candidates on the Right were defeated last week, the consultants who solicited the funds profited handsomely. 

If the proposed new law would have been in place in this campaign cycle, groups such as CrossRoads GPS and Freedom Works would have been forced to refund upwards of $45 million to their clients, money that Cantor claims would go right back to the “job creators” and help to “ignite our economy”.

High profile SuperPAC contributors were in lock step with the proposed law, and were looking forward to refund checks just like those liberal victims received courtesy of the ACA in August.

“Reasonable regulations do not mean the end of capitalism,” said David Koch from his underground bunker in Wisconsin.  “All we are asking is that 80% of the premiums we pay to these shadowy groups go directly towards the care of the candidates.  We need the candidates to be healthy and well cared for with our dollars.  They can’t win and thrive if the money we contribute is wasted.  I don’t think it’s un-American to demand private industry to return stolen money to wealthy investors.”

Other big donors agree.  Sheldon Adelson released a statement from his undisclosed location in support of the measure.  “Our money shouldn’t support non-profit industry junkets and lavish advertising that frankly, doesn’t help candidates or buy the necessary votes.”

Adelson added, “When it comes to identifying qualified candidates for federal office, the fat cat consultants that promised donors the world need to remember one thing.  The SuperPACS didn’t build them.  We did.”

A grassroots rally to support the proposed law, complete with complimentary pitchforks and torches, is planned outside Karl Rove’s compound in Texas this weekend.  Attendees are encouraged to wear flag pins. 

Source Matters

I have gone completely off the deep end with my political obsession. 

I thought that I had reached the depths of my addiction when I spent 30 minutes watching General Wesley Clark on television shake the hands of potential voters at an Oklahoma City bus depot during his short-lived run at the Democratic nomination in 2004.  There was no commentary.  Just the video image of him shaking the hands of strangers on a cold morning but I was riveted.   

That was nothing.  This week I have discovered C-SPAN radio and I might be hooked.  Now I know there is no turning back for me.  I am officially a political junkie and that vice is still legal in this country.

Yesterday morning on C-Span, I heard “real Americans” calling in to discuss their feelings about the recently concluded presidential election.  You remember that one, right?  Bain, 47%, “you didn’t built that”, jobs?  According to the callers, it was the election in which freedom died and America ceased to exist.  According to the callers, the Founding Fathers were “legitimately raped”.  Somehow, I missed that during the election coverage.

I had seen and heard this depth of this despair already.  I’d seen the Facebook postings of flags flying at half mast, or worse, upside down as a message of distress.  My children had heard their friends, all of 10 to 14 years old, predict the end of civilization, an event hastened by the re-election of Communist, although most of these kids haven’t studied communism yet in their history indoctrination classes.  I had heard people openly ponder without a hint of shame or horror whether the President would “survive” until the Inauguration.  Yes, it’s that unhinged.

In sum, the Right is taking this one pretty hard.

I believe that some are legitimately and patriotically disappointed by the outcome of the vote Tuesday, and I understand that.  The intensity of some depression and in some cases anger is what shocks me and frankly, scares me.  I understand that on some level, too.  They are more deeply depressed and angry because they never saw it coming.  Of course they didn’t.  They were never prepared for the possibility that Obama would win.  And that’s a shame.  I blame the non-lame stream media, the Right Wing Echo Chamber.

The fact of the matter is that right wing TV and radio (and Internet of course), the sole sources of information for many of the most ardent Romney supporters and the most stubborn Obama opponents, did not accept poll after poll that predicted the exact results that occurred Tuesday night.  Instead, they focused their audience on outlier polls and invisible oversampling errors. 

Facts are stubborn things.  Obama held the lead for the entirety of the campaign, particularly if you focused on the Electoral College, the only college that counts.  But that did not stop right wing TV and radio from proclaiming a Romney surge or Mitt-mentum or the existence of secret Romney voters who were deliberately lying to pollsters so they could shock the world on Election Day.  Turns out that the pollsters math was real.  Turns out that the ones who were biased and pushing an agenda were the right wing talking heads.

I could give them the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps they talked themselves into believing that Romney would win even though the math never added up.  The mind can be a powerful thing.

“Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?” Fox host Megyn Kelly asked Karl Rove on election night, “Or is this real?”  I don’t think there is a more telling quote than that to summarize the right wing media’s ability to delude itself into believing just about anything, and it is a disservice to the viewers (and the nation).

The main stream media polling I read had pointed to an Obama victory since September.  The main stream media polling I read suggested a stable race with Romney never cresting over 230 electoral votes under the rosiest scenarios.  He never led in Ohio.  He never led in Nevada.  He never led in Wisconsin.  Pennsylvania was never in play for Romney.  Neither was Minnesota.  I knew all of this because I read and listened to sources outside of the Right Wing Echo Chamber that used math and multiple credible sources for their reporting.  The GOP faithful were caught by surprise, and that’s a shame for them.

The situation begs the question for me, and if you are a fan of right wing TV and radio, maybe it will beg the question for you, too.  If the right wing news media lied or intentionally obscured the true polling that was available, what else have they sold as fact that may actually be fiction?  If they ignored all but those polls that reinforced their preconceived conclusions, how can you trust them as a news source?  Maybe religious liberty is not under attack unlike the world has ever seen.  Maybe global temperatures and ocean levels are rising and the cause is man’s activities.  Maybe Romney’s tax plan wouldn’t balance the budget.  Maybe Paul Ryan’s plan would be the end of Medicare as we now it.  Maybe Joanie really didn't love Chachi. 

Maybe Obama is not a socialist.  Maybe by historical standards, he’s a center-left President who was handed a sh*t sandwich and made the best of it.  Maybe he is a Christian who was born in the United States.  Maybe he loves his country.

If they lied about the shape of the presidential race in the face of overwhelming statistics, what else have they been lying about?  It begs the question, and I’m sure someone will call into C-SPAN radio and ask it.

Product Recall Notice

Please be advised of this important product recall information from Crossroads GPS.

From:    Karl Rove, CEO

             Crossroads GPS

To:        Our Valued Customers

RE:       PRODUCT RECALL – DEFECTIVE CANDIDATES: 

              ALL 2012 MODELS

This is a public notice to all Crossroads GPS consumers who purchased politicians between the period January 1, 2011 and November 6, 2012.  We have been notified by the Federal Elections Commission that our products may not function as advertised under voter scrutiny, and we are immediately recalling these products.

If you own a politician sold under the brand name of:

Mitt Romney

Scott Brown

Todd Akin

George Allen

and Others

You must discontinue use at this time.  These products were sold to you as functional leaders, capable of leading the nation through challenging economic times.  Voter testing has demonstrated that these politicians cannot handle the rigors of governance, and should be either returned to us or discarded in a proper receptacle, such as a cable news talk show chair.  These politicians have proven to be unsafe for gainful employment in the public sector and their ideas are a risk to the public in their current form.

To know if your politician was purchased through Crossroads GPS, look for the following signs:

·         White, middle aged and male

·         Poor mathematical functioning

·         Inability to turn down the volume

·         Rejects the reality of climate change, evolution, and women’s suffrage

·         Only works as designed 47% of the time

Crossroads GPS is in negotiations with the Federal Trade Commission to combat charges of false advertising of our politicians, and you may be eligible for a cash settlement (although probably not).  We’ll be sure to notify you.

Crossroads GPS first became aware of these defective models in mid-October 2012 through poll testing but was not aware of how widespread and dangerous the malfunctions were.  Since the results of November 6^th voter testing, we have decided to take aggressive action.  Unfortunately, repairs cannot be made to these politicians.  Replacements will need to be manufactured, a process expected to take 2-4 years.

These politicians may have retailed for a price between $10 million and $100 million, depending on your region of the country and the size of your trust fund.  While we cannot refund your purchase price, we are offering qualified customers a limited time coupon.  If you act now and buy 2 politicians for the 2014 mid-term elections, you will receive one politician free (while supplies last).  Political operators are standing by.  Please have your credit card ready.

We apologize to our valued customers.  Our politicians were subjected to the most thorough testing available, including dozens of debates, hundreds of fundraising dinners, and they withstood a barrage of anonymous You Tube attack ads.  We fully expected these products to perform for you on November 6^th.  Rest assured our crack research and development think tank team is on the job, working to insure that your future politician purchases can walk and talk and promise impossible results with dignity, favorability and most of all, electability.  We value your commitment to our inventory of fine candidates, and we will work overtime to fix this mistake.

Thank you for your business.  We are committed to making sure your future politician purchases meet your expectations 100% of the time. 

Winners and Losers

Obama wins.  Romney loses.  It’s never that simple in such a consequential election.  When worlds collide like they did last night, there is collateral damage.  There is also the possibility of new creations being born from the collision.  

Obama wins.  Romney loses.  Who else won and who else lost in Cataclysm 2012?

Winners

Poll Dancers:  Polling works.  All of the polling experts were right and all of those who pretended to be polling experts were wrong.  The over and under-sampling hysterics by party affiliation were just that – hysterics, without a basis in math.  It’s no wonder the Right thought Mitt’s tax and spend numbers added up to a balanced budget.  They believed math to be a theory, worthy of continuing study instead of settled science.  On November 6^th, the polls oversampled Obama supporters and made Nate Silver and Co. seem like geniuses.  It will be harder to doubt their prognostications in 2016.

Marco Rubio:  The GOP got crushed by the Latino vote.  Scarcity in the marketplace drives price and value, so Republican Senator Marco Rubio with his Hispanic roots just got more valuable inside his party.  This guy will be the face of the franchise for the next 4 years in a transparent effort to proof that the GOP is a safe haven for Latinos.  This is a variation on “Hey, some of my best friends are Hispanic!”  Better hope no one reads your policy positions.

Bill Clinton:  The Explainer in Chief campaigned his way back into the limelight and put the 2012 South Carolina charges of playing racial politics far behind him.  You have to wonder how many reincarnations this guy has.  He gives hope to every discredited politician that they can be a second, third and fourth act.  He also gives hope to his wife that should she choose to run in 2016, he might not screw it up.

Big Bird:  The Big Muppet got an 11^th hour reprieve from the budgetary gallows on Election Night.  His stay of execution should last until the next cycle, but you never know if Obama will bargain his life away in exchange for Medicare concessions.

Community Organizers:  This is the second election cycle in which a good ground game beat a well-funded aerial assault.  Maybe it’s time to imitate the organizing techniques instead of belittling them.

Losers

Sheldon Adelson:  $100 million doesn’t buy you what it used to in politics.  This cartoon character bankrolled Newt Gingrich and ended up with nothing but a garage full of signed first edition books and Gingrich autobiographical DVDs.  Then he served as the Republican ATM in Chief, all in a vain attempt to purchase the Presidency.  To paraphrase world famous comedian Mark Sarian, Adelson put $100 million on red, but it came up Black. (Runner Up: TV Ads)

Donald Trump:  While the Romney brand took a hit within Tea party circles, Donald Trump’s brand took perhaps the biggest hit.  On the next Celebrity Apprentice, he could play the Gary Busey character in all of its delusional and erratic glory.  When you are a billionaire that tweets on Election night that we should start “a revolution” because your candidate lost, you have moved into the realm of cultural asterisk.

God:  It seems as though every candidate who publicly embraced God and blamed Him for all the bad and praised Him for all the good in the U.S. had a rough Election Day.  Apparently, the louder you shout about God, the more suspicious your motives become.  If memory serves, when God came to Earth as flesh, He came as a humble carpenter, not as a millionaire with political aspirations.  God could use a makeover for 2016.  A lower profile might serve Him well. (Runner Up: Freedom from Jack Booted Thugs Stealing your Churches in the Dark of Night and Replacing Them with Secular Houses of Worship)

The Climate:  The science of global climate change was never seriously discussed by either candidate this election cycle.  It took a hurricane 800 miles wide landing in New York City the week before the election for the subject to even be broached in the national media.  Weather is getting more extreme; the ocean temperatures are rising; the glaciers are melting.  These are not theories.  These are facts.  The cause can be debated and the possible actions by governments can be debated, but not in the 2012 cycle.  The climate became the 3^rd rail of the campaign, and for that, we’re all losers.

Crazy:  Richard Mourdock, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh and Allen West go down in defeat.  Last election, it was Christine O’Donnell and Sharron Angle.  2008 it was Palin.  Crazy raises money, but it doesn’t look much like a winner on Election Day anymore.   

  

Honorable Mention:  Chris Christie was both winner and loser.  He won because Sandy forced him to become a bipartisan icon in the face of tragedy.  That could help him rise above the crowded field of partisan warriors in 2016 when the country will long for a post-partisan uniter.  Christie lost because the GOP is actively seeking a scapegoat to explain their unexplainable loss to a commie socialist from Africa, and his bear hug embrace of the Democratic nominee a week before the polls opened did not endear him to the wackos who hold sway over the primary process in the Republican Party. 

The Big Dip

Government statistics released today show that 9 states have suddenly dipped into a recession, as the business activity and job creation associated with the Presidential election season ground immediately to a halt.  Republican lawmakers quickly blamed President Obama for the downturn.

“He promised jobs, and just one day after the election, it is obvious that he was saying anything to win,” Karl Rove seethed through clenched teeth.  “He can’t blame this on George Bush.  He owns this election and elections have consequences, especially when they end with such tragic consequences.”

Economic activity in Iowa, Nevada, Colorado, Virginia, Florida, Wisconsin, North Carolina, and New Hampshire dropped by a combined $400 billion in a single day, but it was Ohio that suffered the greatest impact, losing $750 billion in business from its peak one week ago.  One local television station actually announced its imminent closure due to the end of unprecedented campaign advertising revenue.

The job losses in these states were widespread, but the industries that were hit the hardest were advertising, direct mail, public polling, and pizza delivery.  The downtown streets were lined with shuttered campaign offices, a stark reminder of the unexpected financial devastation to the communities in these formerly critical states.

“These jobs are never coming back,” groaned Assistant Door Knocker Heidi Ho.  “Nobody wants knockers now.  I’ll have to wait for one of those job training programs I told my friends about on Facebook to actually happen.”

“I campaigned for the President, and I believed in him.  Now I am out of work.  So much for shared prosperity,” grumbled Deputy Communication Director for the GOTV arm of Obama for America, Josh Bartlet, outside his empty campaign office.  “The lease for the office was up this morning, and I have nowhere to go.  What am I supposed to do with all these lawn signs?” he asked pointing to the overflow in the backseat of his late model Prius.  “I feel duped.”

President Obama preached patience in the wake of the troubling economic news, vowing that his policies would fix these structural problems in all 9 swing states within 4 years.

“Trust me.  The campaign industry in these small communities will come roaring back.  You have my word.”