As has been well documented, in October 2007, my daughter
and I visited New Hampshire
to follow Republican and Democratic candidates around the state as they pursued
their respective party’s nomination. It
was a good year to be on the ground since both parties were fielding dozens of
possibilities. We knew that on any given
day of our visit, we were bound to run into someone and that someone could be a
future President. We were hoping for
quality but settled for quantity. We enjoyed
a full buffet of Giuliani, McCain, Edwards, Huck, Hillary and Kucinich, which
is quite a lot to swallow in such a short period of time. Overeating can make you sick and we were
stuffed with platitudes for 4 long days.
2016 is shaping up to be the same kind of year with a wide-open
smorgasbord of choices from both sides of the aisle. It may be too early to bite into the
presidential race at this point, but we can set the table at least, can’t we?
The 2016 presidential field deserves a few seconds of
consideration so I will grant the various names that have been floated their
just desserts –a few seconds each:
On the Republican side (in no particular order):
Rick Perry – Seriously, whoever keeps whispering in Perry’s
ear that he’s got a chance at the nomination, have a heart and stop torturing
the guy. He’s a cartoon. He’s Yosemite Sam without the beard.
Paul Ryan – This is assuming that he can completely rid
himself of The Stench, and that no one takes the time to delve into the details
of his Plan to revive a new and improved Dark Ages. That said, he’s even odds.
Marco Rubio – He’s the GOP’s personification of “Hey, some
of my best friends are Hispanic.” He is
the national frontrunner as of a news report today, which means he won’t
survive the Iowa
straw poll.
Chris Christie – Now that he’s been outted as a RINO, his
prospects have dimmed. He’ll need to
apologize to Iowa
caucus goers for once complimenting Obama and he’ll have to have a Huckabee
weight loss conversion story to tell by 2014…and write a book about his acceptance
of personal weight responsibility as a model for the nation.
Jeb Bush – Because someone has to repair the family legacy,
and he can win Florida.
Michelle Bachmann – She’ll have a new book to promote by
then and Newt Gingrich proved that the best way to sell books and schedule paid
public appearances is to add “former Presidential candidate” to your CV.
Rick Santorum – If the idea of a theocracy is ever going to
catch on in America,
he’s your sweater-vested poster child for the cause.
John Thune – The vanilla candidate from South Dakota. His name keeps coming up, mostly because the
mere mention doesn’t make anyone cringe.
No one knows if it should. No one
outside the 20001 zip code knows who he is.
Bob McDonnell – The perfect GOP choice for 2016 if women
lose the right to vote for the 2016 presidential election. Let the disenfranchisement campaign begin! His candidacy will surely revive the 2012 pithy
catch phrase “transvaginal probe”.
Kelly Ayotte – Now that McCain and Lindsay Graham are too
old to run, Sen. Ayotte from the electoral vote-rich New Hampshire could be their heir apparent. She likes getting her picture taken with
them. As a woman, GOP primary voters may
assume that all women will vote for her, regardless of her positions on the
issues.
Rob Portman – Because they can’t win without Ohio and he is from Ohio.
Of course, that didn’t work for Romney who lost both of his home states,
Massachusetts and Michigan, but one can dream.
Nikki Haley – The odds of her saying something stupid and
disqualifying before 2016 are 3 to 1.
The odds of her saying something stupid and disqualifying before 2016
and winning the Iowa
caucus are even money.
Bobby Jindal – He made the heroic move of being the first to
cast stones at Mitt Romney’s ridiculous campaign positions after the election
was lost. Clearly he has the character
to make tough decisions.
Jon Huntsman – Regardless of his popularity or stand on the
issues, his face would look good on money someday. Don’t discount that fact.
Tim Pawlenty – I mean, what else can this guy do at this
point? Might as well run.
Herman Cain – Herman is the proverbial moth to the
flame. He will not be able to resist the
clarion call from within his own ego. I
fear that we have not heard the last of 9-9-9.
Scott Walker – Is there something weird about his eyes, or
is it just me?
Jon Kasich – His popularity in his state may be polling
below the United Nations by 2015, but he’s still a longshot to form an
exploratory committee.
Rand Paul – Because dad is too old to go again, and those
pesky Libertarians need one of their own.
Condoleezza Rice – Republican? – check; woman? – check;
minority? – check; international experience? – check. She’d have it all if only she hadn’t
championed wildly destructive and unpopular Bush administration foreign
policies for 8 years. When I think of
her chances at the nomination, I think of a giant mushroom cloud.
Susana Martinez
– She spoke at the GOP convention before the Empty Chair fiasco. Republican? – check; woman? – check; minority?
– check; international experience? – check (if New Mexico counts as a foreign
country). Some smart Democrat will
nominate her for a Cabinet post as a demonstration of bipartisanship and
thereby destroy her credibility with the radical Right base. “If they want her, she must not be one of
us!”
Mike Pence – He’s the 2016 version of what Tom Tancredo and
Duncan Hunter were in 2008. Never heard
of them? Exactly.
On the Democratic side (in no particular order):
Hillary – Any questions?
If Hillary chooses to run, it’s over. She would swamp the competition before they
got out of the harbor in a flood of money.
While she paraded through town hall meetings wearing her crown of
inevitability, she could bask in the warmth of the Republican field of 20 burning
down each other’s houses, one debate at a time.
Since you never know, I’ll mention a few other options:
Joe Biden – Hard to win when your nickname is Crazy Uncle
Joe.
Martin O’Malley – He possesses one of the key ingredients to
a successful run – he really wants it.
National ambition is not a policy position, however, so he’ll play the
role of Howard Dean in 2016, excite the Far Left and get caught on YouTube
screaming like a madman.
Mark Warner – He’s the early favorite to be the Adult in the
Room. He has kept his head down and
worked hard to establish across the aisle relationships. His business career makes him feel like a
Republican. He’ll suffer from the pundit
class constantly asking, “Does he have the fire in the belly?” before settling
for a Cabinet role.
Andrew Cuomo – His last name is familiar because his dad
gave a really well-received speech once.
In the end, he will do whatever Bill Clinton tells him to do.
That’s it for the Dems.
The Obama Wave has not created a deep bench of future stars in his
party, and since the battle for the White House is a battle of personalities
above all, that should give the GOP some hope for 2016.
2008 was a good year to be on the ground in New Hampshire since both
parties were fielding dozens of possibilities.
2016 should be more of the same.
“Hello, Manchester
Radisson? I’d like to make a reservation
for October 2015 please.”
